Why will we take the risk for one, but not for the other?
In the age of the rise of young, ambitious career driven humans, it’s safe to say that we care a great deal about establishing ourselves in society as successful working professionals, capable of living on our own and supporting ourselves financially. We are driven. We have goals. We openly and happily accept the responsibility of establishing a career for ourselves, but when it comes to finding love and falling in love, we don’t have the same drive and motivation.
We’ve become so cynical when it comes to discussing love, and we create excuses to support our claim in the belief that establishing a career and carving out our professional paths are more important and significant than finding a happy relationship.
Why do we consider finding love to be completely different from establishing a career? Why can’t we instill the same sort of generational career values we’ve created for ourselves into those which should be attributed to the values of a healthy and happy relationship?
A relationship takes the same amount of responsibility and work that is demanded from the pursuit of a career. Both require your time and effort, patience and persistence, your focus and ability to compromise. You have to put the work in to get to know somebody, and you have to want to. Progression is attainable if you allow yourself to learn and absorb everything. The more effort you put in, the more you’ll grow over time in the workplace, and in a relationship. Nothing happens over night.
In the age where our generation thrives within the realm of social media and promoting the self, we struggle to establish relationships in the real world. We find it a challenge to share our energy and our personal selves with a potential love interest, because it means that we have to be willing to direct some of our personal consideration into that of another person. Our focus has to be shared. We have to care about another person equally and maybe even more than we care about ourselves, and that is exactly what we are so afraid of. It’s easy to care only for the self, but it’s a risk to open your heart to another person.
We fear that we will lose a part of ourselves as a result of potentially caring more for another person, but isn’t that the beauty of love and relationships? It’s beautiful to reveal your faults and fears, and insecurities to another.
If we can accept the risk of failure when it comes to pursuing a job, we shouldn’t hesitate so much in taking a risk for love. Sure quitting a job or being fired are huge shots to the ego, but if we can take the risk of potentially experiencing that in the workplace, then why can’t we accept the risk of failure that comes with love?
A career at the end of the day is just a job. A job may cause you stress, but a job will not hurt your feelings and break your heart. We allow the stress of work to consume our lives, but it’s much harder to bear the weight of stress in a relationship. A job will not suffer from a broken heart, but we will, and carrying the weight of a broken heart over our shoulders seems much greater a burden than carrying the weight of work stress.
Many of us say that we couldn’t bear the thought of being in a relationship until we are sure of the person that we are. If you feel strongly about being one hundred percent sure of who you are before you allow yourself to be in a happy committed relationship, ask yourself why…
If you’re holding back because you feel as though you’re not content and happy being on your own, and you are waiting to magically find yourself before you near the end of your twenties or reach your early thirties, then I urge you to reconsider.
The magical bell will not ring around 30, and no luminous light bulb is going to appear over your head. You will consistently grow as an individual and your thoughts and opinions will continue to evolve well into your later years in life. Old passions and dreams will fade as you discover new ones. Jobs can even come and go.
There is no written law that says you have to feel complete and happy on your own before you commit to sharing yourself with another. It’s completely acceptable to be single and to feel like something is missing until you find a person to share your time with.
Where did we get this idea engrained in our heads that it is necessary to first be happy as an individual before we even consider commitment to another human being? If you’re single, and unhappy, and are still trying to figure out who you are, have you considered the possibility that you will never be truly content until you find a partner?
Wouldn’t you rather grow and learn along with somebody else, instead of convincing yourself that you can’t be in a relationship until you’re sure of, “who you are?” I’d rather experience the heartbreak and pain from a failed relationship than never experiencing a relationship at all.
And maybe you simply haven’t found somebody worth your time yet.
Just try to avoid convincing yourself that it will never happen for you. Avoid residing in the notion that you might as well start being selfish and focus only on yourself. If you want to fall in love, if you want to be married one day, then choose to focus on keeping an open heart and a positive mind. You don’t need to be sure of exactly who you are, but you do need to be sure that you’re allowing yourself to be emotionally available. As cliché as that sounds, it’s so true.
Not feeling complete or content until you find a partner doesn’t make you weak, and it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being happy, or figuring out who you are. It just means that you are choosing to establish yourself next to a partner who chooses to support and accept you for the incomplete individual you actually are. They will be the one to accept the whole you, the authentic, real you. They will become your missing piece, and they will make you feel whole. Don’t fear putting your time, trust, and love into another’s hands. It’s certainly a risk, but the outcome could be beautifully fulfilling.