I Never Thought I Would Be ‘That Girl’

I never thought I would be “that girl”

That girl who falls fast and hard, blinded by love. That girl who makes excuses for bad behavior. That girl who is cheated on but stays anyway. That girl who is lied to countless times but allows it be explained away. That girl who looks at potential instead of reality. That girl who is made to feel crazy even though she knows she’s not. That girl who continually cries over the same guy doing the same things. That girl who becomes something she’s not to please those around her. That girl who doesn’t speak up for herself because she lost her voice. That girl who doesn’t feel like she’s deserving of more. That girl who was cheated on again, and stays… again. That girl who stopped taking chances because she’s comfortable in the chaos. That girl who became dependent upon others for her happiness. That girl who walks around miserable and on edge and does nothing to change it. That girl who loses herself completely.

In the past, you would have judged that girl, how silly and foolish she looks. And then one day, you are that girl. You never intended to be because you told yourself you wouldn’t. You’re not even sure how you got here, but suddenly you understand.

You understand that there’s always more to the story. You understand that things aren’t as simple as black and white, right and wrong. You understand that girl has a huge heart with a beautiful capacity to forgive. You understand that girl has the ability to love others when they don’t even love themselves. You understand that girl will stay and fight when others run away. You understand that girl wants more for herself but is paralyzed by her anxiety. You understand that girl is constantly torn between her heart and head, always knowing better but wanting to feel instead of constantly think. You understand that girl is smarter than she looks and more powerful than she knows. You understand that girl isn’t weak—her superpower is her love and empathy. You understand that girl was being manipulated, that same empathy being used against her. You understand that girl can change her circumstances, but only in her own time and in her own way. You understand that girl has nothing to apologize for because although heartache exists, she learned more about herself than some do in a lifetime. You understand that sometimes there’s beauty in pain and that lessons always exist so long as you look for them.

It isn’t until the ideas of who you thought you were are broken down that you can truly begin to see who you really are, who you were always meant to be.

Maybe being “that girl” isn’t such a bad thing after all.

About the author
cake decorator turned flight attendant, always inspired by words Follow Meagan on Instagram or read more articles from Meagan on Thought Catalog.

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