If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be where I am today. Actually, that may not be true. I probably would still be where I am today, it just may have happened a lot sooner than it should have.
You came into my life at the most influential time, I was young, dumb, and coming out of a mentally abusive relationship. I don’t want to say that you manipulated me because I don’t think those were your intentions. But you made me feel loved when I didn’t think it was possible, you told me everything I needed to hear. And even though you were telling me because you loved me as a friend, I have still never felt someone speak with such care and love.
You told me how I deserved to be treated. Sorry – you showed me. Along with the love you gave me, you gave me strength. You taught me I could achieve anything I wanted too. You encouraged me to go to college, get a degree. Everyday you pushed me to be my best. With you by my side I felt invincible, like I was able to achieve anything my young mind wanted. With that you had me, I had someone who loved me in ways I couldn’t explain and someone who lifted me up to be the best possible version of myself. I was in complete bliss. You loved me with every ounce that you could, until you couldn’t anymore. Unfortunately for me, my emotional rollercoaster of a life was too much for you to handle. So you decided to say goodbye, when I thought you never would.
You leaving turned my world around. I was lost in a life without my best friend; without the one person who loved me. I gave up on school, because it felt incomplete without you there with me, and I also didn’t have someone pushing me to go everyday. Instead, I had an anxious demon in my head making me believe that without you, there was no future. Without you all my goals weren’t possible and there was no reason I should carry on. You know the worst part about it is that for you, you didn’t even flinch.
You walked away burn free.
You see, even though you tore my life into a million pieces, everything you did made me grow. Even though you thought I was unproductive, unmotivated or incapable of doing something that I had planned to work toward without you there, you were wrong. All you had to do was understand that it was going to take me time. I may have taken a few extra years to get back to school, but during those years I spent countless hours learning about who I am. Learning that I am an individual and that when I’m ready to conquer my goals I will. It was going to take me time to grow as a person, to figure out who I am and begin feeling 100% ready for every hurdle in life that I was about to endure. What you weren’t capable of doing was giving me time. Even though you said you needed time, really it was me.
You did me a favour. You let me go, which may not have been as hard for you as it was for me.
And you know what, maybe it didn’t even affect your life like it did mine. Maybe it didn’t keep you up every night thinking and wondering what you were going to do without me, and how different you life was going to be. It wasn’t our relationship that needed to evolve more, because as we both know that was meant to end. What was meant to evolve was us as people.
We were meant to grow and flourish into something beautiful. What we had did seem beautiful to me because it made me feel beautiful. But what I realize now is that nobody should ever let someone else be in control of their happiness.
When you’re forced to spend time on your own it can be terrifying, and utterly miserable. But what makes it so unpleasant is the way you look at it. If you constantly think that because someone is gone your life isn’t going to progress, well then you’re probably right. If you think you need someone else to push and encourage you, well then you’re are WRONG!
If it wasn’t for you leaving me, I would’ve gotten my degree a lot sooner, and who knows maybe I would’ve been alright, and maybe I would have felt as independent and ready to begin my career as I do now. But honestly, if I had the choice; I’d do it all over again.
You helped me become the woman I am today, and I thank you for that.