Not too surprisingly, my music reveals a lot more about my relationships and life than I ever could. In a recent three month span, I had some real love-deluded songs gushing out of my headphones and filling my brain like a lot of sickening serotonin. I’m not sure if it was the full moon I noticed while pulling out of my driveway or the darkness shrouding my 5am commute to work, but this morning I was pulled into a contemplative space and queued up some slow jams for the drive. Soon enough, one song bled out after another, and I found myself listening, one by one, to a veritable soundtrack of my first relationship, and, my first inevitable heartbreak.
1. After the first night.
Two days after that first night we were back up to our old mischief, I had those feelings. What I convinced myself were all the right ones. That feeling that you’re glowing from the inside out. You’re falling in love !! The world is smiling with you !!!!!
Pull Me Down is the perfect accompaniment to that initial, dream-like delusion.
2. When your 15-year-old self would be proud.
Songs like Teenage Dream have been setting my relationship expectations pretty low since 2010. You remember your 15 year old self and listen to this one as if to say: yes, we have a boyfriend now! I told you it would happen one day! Finally, our teenage dreams come true!
3. When you listen to Niykee Heaton on repeat.
Two weeks in, and I was already losing sight of myself apart from this guy: “I don’t even recognize the person in the mirror, then you come around and make the whole thing clearer… When it comes to you, I break all the rules” The fact that I was even listening to Niykee Heaton at this point should have been a blood red flag.
4. When you’re in, and you’re in deep.
Lost in everything touch-sight, this song is a perfect example of what the thick of this relationship meant to me, even if the sultry, silky part of it lasted only a week. Astrid sings about “two in the morning,” which is not dissimilar to the time of most of our get togethers. “Nothing ever felt so right, I could get lost, you’re all that I want, I need you here by my side”
5. When you think you’re in love.
6. But you’re actually just in a relationship with Miguel…
7. When he sends you a picture of your favorite hot instagram model saying, “duuude”… and you know it’s SO over.
8. The beginning of the end .
9. The anxious, teeth-clenching breakdown.
10. The comfort food.
11. Then comes…Empowering realization.
Like listening to a big, “fuck you.”
12. And finally…The end.
Who doesn’t love a little Dido?