The Two Types Of Single (And Why One Is Necessary For You To Ever Have A Healthy Relationship)

jamelah e.
jamelah e.

The first type of single comes after a breakup.

It is usually filled with denial and a lot of lies. “How are you doing?” asks your best friend, worried about your emotional state after Gary-the-Great decided to call it quits. “Me? I am great. Never been better, I’m already over him actually. Gary who? I’m ridin’ solo, I’m ridin’ solo.” It can also consist of many tears, fire-related incidents, and lots and lots of exaggeration. “I’m never dating again” and “I’m visiting a local animal shelter tomorrow to pursue my new life as a cat hoarder” can be commonly used phrases. But one thing is always true about this type of single: it consistently inhibits you from working towards being prepared for a new and healthy relationship. Chances are, you are still thinking about your ex and all the weird-but-totally-adorable things he did. You are analyzing everything you did or said throughout the entire relationship, trying to pinpoint the exact mistakes you made. Because you were just broken up with, you feel as though you were sentenced to singleness by Judge Ex-Boyfriend. You view your current situation as unfortunate, sad, and hope your Prince Charming stops taking his damn time finding you.

The second type of single is the kind that will prepare you for finally finding the guy of your dreams.

What makes it completely different than the last type of single? Four simple words: it is by choice. Because our generation is so technologically advanced, many feel as though something is wrong with them if their relationship status on Facebook has been “single” for too long. As a result, young women feel pressured to enter relationships as soon as possible. Some start dating as early as middle or high school, jumping from one guy to the next. Before they know it, they are 22, clueless as to what they want out of life, and have had their heart broken six different ways. They need to realize that singleness isn’t a sentence or an unfortunate relationship status–it’s a fun part of life. Everyone needs to be completely selfish for an extended period without feeling guilty. When you spend all this time focusing on satisfying each and every one of your needs, whatever they may be, you realize three very important things:

(a) You have the ability to be alone. When you actually do enter a relationship later on, you will have already experienced the singleness that comes with the worst-case scenario (a break-up), and thoroughly enjoyed it! Girls that have never been single for a significant amount of time are not armed with the assurance that they are capable of being happy if the relationship ends, and this can make them seem insecure, needy, paranoid, crazy, etc.

(b) What makes you loveable. If you’re not daydreaming about a SO all the time, you notice more things about yourself. You are able to identify and appreciate all of your unique qualities. This is important because when you meet a guy that is great, you do not feel overshadowed by his coolness. Instead, you feel like a qualified counterpart. As a result of this, you will be confident, worthy of respect, and much more selective.

(c) What you want out of life. What are your passions? Do you love to travel? Does bird-watching give you an indescribable thrill? Your early twenties are the time that you should be finding the parts of life that excite you, that allow you to satisfy your thirst for adventure. However, if you never realize what can satisfy this thirst, won’t you always feel somewhat empty? It is up to you to find your passions and engage in them, not your significant other’s. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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