Over the course of my 18 years on this earth, I have come to realize a few things. For example, plucking your eyebrows can go wrong very quickly. Also, wool socks are just about the most important piece of clothing you could ever own. Most importantly, I have compiled a list of people never to trust. In the event that you come in contact with said people, turn on your heels and run the other way.
1. Girls that love horses.
You know the ones. The girls with a single frizzy braid running along their spine all the way to the small of their back. The ones with horse stickers all over their damn binders. The ones who dream of brushing horses’ manes all day. They probably spit when they talk, too. The fourth grade was hellish enough already without these pony fanatics galloping around. Now, when you see hints of this girl in women you meet in adulthood, you will know that they still have this monstrosity lurking beneath the shadowy depths of their exterior. Avoid them. AVOID THEM.
2. People with Catholic-radio bumper stickers.
I really don’t feel good about these people. Minivans clad in bumper stickers espousing the owners’ faith run rampant in the suburbs of America. Why? Why do you do this, Catholic families? Why do you find it necessary? Does it make you feel like a better Christian? I think it’s shady as hell and I will not partake in it. No thank you.
3 People who poop after they take a shower.
This is just wrong. What kind of lowlife finds it acceptable to take a shit after thoroughly cleaning their entire body? I feel so strongly about this one that I saved it for last. Do not trust these people. I am completely convinced that only psychopaths practice post-shower pooping. If you are in a relationship and find out your partner does this, run for the hills and don’t look back.