Countless times I tell myself I’m over you, but of course we know better. You were my first love. It’s true how they say that your first love is not the first person you’re in love with, but it’s the first person who breaks your heart.
Getting over you did not happen in just one day. Or a month. Or even a year, for that matter. And even though it took years and years of trying, we always managed to find each other again. Whether it was in a school sports tournaments, at a friend’s wedding, in an airport overseas, or even at the dodgiest bar in town.
We couldn’t escape each other. I will always hold on to the countless bus rides in that foreign country we had shared one too many times. Or that unexpected night we spent together because one of us may have too much to drink. I recall Keeping Up With The Kardashian was on the TV and I complained that Kim used too much bronzer on her face.
I also have never forgotten when you held me close the following morning that I could feel you breathing on the back of my neck. Or how you’d been trying to be in touch because you had left your girlfriend to be with me several years back. Or the conversation we had about everything and nothing. I can’t forget you.
No matter the time that has passed. No matter how much relationships with other people we’ve been in. No matter the amount of Incubus’ tracks that played on my playlist over and over. No matter how much I tried. But I can’t seem to let go, my mind won’t allow it… or maybe it’s my heart.
It’s funny how first love works. I will never fully get over it. I will always look back and think fondly of you. My heart will still be warm every time you smile at me. I will look back and think that maybe we will end up together. That maybe when the timing is right, everything will fall into the right place and we will meet each other halfway.
But real life is messy. I see her in your arm. It’s your wedding day. Your bright eyes twinkle, your smile is wide and warm. Your face lights up every time she looks at you. And you can’t take your eyes off of her. Yes, you were my first love. I’d love to think that maybe we would end up together. I just wish it didn’t take you eleven years to decide that I was never the one.