1. The exes you’re still holding on to. If you broke up for a reason, then by pining for a past relationship, you’re essentially letting yourself want something that wasn’t good for you. It’s natural to hurt and feel like you want to go revert back to a time in your life when your personal life felt comfortable and settled, but if you’re yearning for the feeling of being able to depend on someone else, you’re not chasing the feeling of depending on yourself. You have to know and believe that depending on yourself is within your capability, and then make it happen.
2. The want to find just “anyone” instead of the right person. The desire to couple off is worrisome only because the will to want to end up with just someone means you could be attracting and pursuing people who aren’t actually compatible with you, or want to be with you for the wrong reasons.
3. The unhealthy cravings you always say you’re going to quit. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, food that’s bad for you, cigarettes, or any other sort of vice you’ve latched on to in a bad way. Not only are the actual cravings you indulge bad for you, but the emotional drama of knowing you should stop, but still allowing yourself to not follow through on that commitment is taking up too much of your head space and negatively affecting your day-to-day.
4. The apartment you hate. If your living space makes you unhappy, whether it’s because it gets no light, because it’s basically a shoe box, or because you don’t get along with your roommates, that’s an emotional drain. Admitting that you don’t like where you live – even (and especially) if it’s because you’re living with a significant other – is really difficult, but you have to be honest with yourself. Staying in a bad situation will take up too much of your attention and make you feel trapped.
5. The fears you aren’t confronting. You don’t need to hash out everything all at once, but pushing your fears away just guarantees that they’ll all sneak up on you at some point. You owe it to yourself to acknowledge and, little by little, start working through your personal fears. You’re the only one who can take initiative and start remedying. Your mental health will be better off the more you come to terms with the things that silently eat away at you.
6. The goals that are lingering in the back of your mind that you’re too scared to verbalize. Those aren’t going anywhere, so the best thing you can do is confront them, make a game plan to accomplish them, and start slowly and with purpose.
7. Holding yourself to unaccomplishable goals. Setting goals is crucial to your own success, and if you need to set deadlines to help you follow through, then you absolutely should. However, holding yourself to goals and deadlines that are way too lofty and unrealistic is only hurting you. As a solution, try to make only realistic goals and then have one “reach” goal.
8. Being overly hard on yourself. Arguing with yourself, berating yourself, and giving yourself regular scoldings are fruitless if you’re being too mean to yourself. Be nice to yourself. If you don’t set the tone of treating yourself with respect, who else will?
9. Comparing yourself to people you think are doing life better than you are. People are not doing life “better” than you. People are moving at different paces all around you, and that is okay. In fact, that is a good thing, because if everyone got their dream jobs at the same time, and got engaged at the same time, and moved at the same time, it would be a real clusterfuck. It’s already a clusterfuck as is, actually. You need to do things when the time is right for you, not when it’s right for someone else.
10. Being okay with having no direction. It is not abnormal to feel lost sometimes, and not know exactly what’s coming next. In fact, it means you are wide open, and that is a fortunate and unique opportunity. But if you’re passive about not having a direction, and are content with moving in a semi-straight unmotivated line, that’s what can get unhealthy after a while. You don’t have to push yourself too quickly, but ultimately, finding your motivation and putting it to good use will really help.