1. She shamelessly declares when she wants to break someone’s spirits.
Like, Tom Cruise. You know, casually.
2. She gets the general struggle of life.
And expresses angst in the form of sharing cartoons.
3. She freaked the f*ck out when President Obama played her song at the Correspondents’ Dinner.
Which is honestly the only natural reaction. People who wave off huge milestones like they’re not a big deal are just lying to themselves.
4. She isn’t afraid to #realtalk while promoting her own work.
Which should be reallllllly be encouraged; we need more people verbalizing how we all really feel.
5. She is a Spokesperson For Everyone Who Lives Their Lives Admidst Pop-Tart Wrappers.
And I genuinely appreciate that.
6. She also wears sweatpants just as much as you do.
If not more, by the looks of her Twitter.
7. She realizes that part of the value in having a guy over is so that he can chop finicky vegetables.
The squash struggle is raw and real.
8. She’s not falling for the whole “kids’ charm” thing.
Seriously though, props to her for properly hyphenating “4-year-old.” Respect.
9. She understands that hanging out with the girls from “Sorry” is better than hanging out with small children.
10. She makes somewhat-casual JRR Tolkien references.
As one should.
11. She says what we’re all thinking: cults aside, shiny shit is fun.
That’s a universal thought, right?
12. She shares my fervor for onesies.
And is down to be seen in public with them. Again, as one should be.
13. Her human interactions with family are just as weird as yours. (No offense.)
And involve the word “ornithology.”
14. She is public about the fact that she hates people.
And she has a point.
15. And she drops other introverted truth bombs.
Because no one is a legitimate phone call enthusiast.
16. She wants to be invisible as much as the rest of us.
And people assume if she’s not around she’s eating candy.
17. She is totally okay to announce to the world that life is overwhelming AF.
And is a British Bake Off fan. Bless.
19. She is as wine thirsty as the rest of us.
And apparently, doesn’t have a classy liquor cabinet.
20. She is not fooled by supposedly-chic hangers.
BECAUSE CLOTHES ALWAYS STICK TO THEM, AND IT’S ANNOYING AS HELL.
21. She articulates our human-related anxieties perfectly.
22. She understands that we need to be pumping MORE preservatives and heavy cream into cookies, not less.
Which should really be a given.
23. She pioneered an #AimLow hashtag.
And for this, I am forever grateful.
24. She wrote a 140-character open letter to Ariana Grande that every woman under 5’3″ wanted to send.
25. She has awkward, semi-dark LOLs.
Which is more relatable than people are willing to admit.
26. She has just as much chill at werk as you do.
Possibly less (?)
27. She wants to see the GOT D.
28. She’s down to say the things we think, but don’t quite know how to verbalize.
And so eloquently, too.
29. She DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE.
In case you hadn’t quite gotten that yet.