1. Because it isn’t worth pretending that you haven’t experienced things in the past that shaped how you react to situations now.
2. Keeping your cool isn’t based off how supremely above-it-all you are when meeting new people. Keeping your cool is actually about getting through high-pressure situations with your head held high, being open to meeting new people, and presenting yourself authentically.
3. The people who truly care about you will never care whether you say the right thing at the right time, or whether you get along with everyone because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You don’t need to like people on principle.
4. Stifling your feelings is never something you need to do. If you feel like you need to push your feelings away, ask yourself why and confront the problem head on, as opposed to ignoring the problem.
5. You don’t need to go along with every little thing. You’re allowed to have opinions, you’re allowed to disagree and say so. You aren’t a candidate on “The Bachelor” — you can have a personality. (Just kidding, love ya Caila and Lauren B.)
6. If you’re claiming to be “cool with anything” then you’re ultimately keeping some dissatisfaction bottled up. You don’t want to let issues fester beneath the surface — it’s better in the long run to confront issues at hand.
7. Being “chill” is not synonymous with being mature. In fact, being the easy-going girl, who never has a problem with anything or anyone, is not very realistic, nor is it realistic to be bubbly 100% of the time. Real, mature women acknowledge the good and the bad, and they work through the bad instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.
8. Approaching a relationship in a “chill” way just means you’re coming into a relationship devoid of real emotions. In the case of a potentially-serious relationship, being “chill” may just as well mean “half-hearted.”
9. The fact that being a “chill girl” is a compliment is kind of ridiculous. It’s slapping on a label to show that women are able to be laid-back, and relaxed. And the fact that this is seen as a so-called anomaly is bullshit. It’s a bad stereotype, and not one that should be encouraged.
10. Caring for someone is an inherently unchill thing. Showing someone a vulnerable side of yourself means exposing the most raw parts of you. And no one’s rawest self comes as perfectly polished as finished wood.
11. To a certain extent, always being chill means not expressing your passion, and that would be selling yourself short. The people you’re friends with want to know what you care about most — and if they don’t, why bother being friends with them?
12. The world is not divided into women who have their heads in the clouds, or down-to-earth women. Personalities come in every different form, and by aspiring to be a “chill girl,” we’d just be squashing a part of ourselves that defines our personality.
13. Being particular, liking things a certain way, having aversions to things, and speaking your mind ARE NOT TURN OFFS. Ever.
14. Any time you’re conforming to being the “always chill girl,” it means you’re not giving yourself enough credit.
15. In a work setting, you should strive to be accommodating, but you don’t want to be the one who never has an opinion, or the one that never speaks up when their hard work is going unnoticed.
16. You’re allowed to want to get your way. But you shouldn’t get in your own way by making yourself an entirely different person who laughs at every joke that isn’t funny.
17. If you’re ever pretending to be a certain way, or act a certain way just for the benefit of a potential significant other, keep in mind that if you ever want the relationship to go anywhere, the real you is going to have to come out sometime. You may as well start out on a genuine level, and figure out whether you’re compatible right up front.
18. This is not “Gone Girl.” You are not Rosamund Pike before she skipped town. There is no need to act like it.
19. Being the chill one in the relationship can actually make you more frustrated and stir crazy later on. If you’re never exposing who you truly are, then you’re bound to let other, smaller things upset you. Encouraging yourself to not say how you feel is a temporary fix at best, but not a long-term solution to anything.
20. You should never be ashamed of your needs — as a member of someone’s family, as a girlfriend, as a wife, as a coworker, as a boss, as a subordinate, or as a friend.
21. The chill girl is just like the Designer-Brands-Only girl, or the Beach Babe, or the Mysterious Chick. These are all just labels you don’t fucking need.
22. You have nothing to prove because if you have to prove yourself to a friend group or a significant other, why bother? Stop rationalizing your personality.