21 Hilarious Reminders From Adam Sandler That Will Bring Light To Your Hanukkah

For all the boys and girls getting ready to celebrate Hanukkah, and don’t even have a damn Hanukkah bush in lieu of a Christmas tree, Adam Sandler has some crucial reminders to you. Every year, he finds a list of people who are Jewish — like Santa, except with more of an Old Testament flair — and tries to mention their name in the same breath as kugel. So, before you tuck into latkes with sour cream, or applesauce, here are 21 Adam Sandler quotes to start this year’s Hanukkah off right:
Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live

1. “When I was a kid, this time of year always made me feel a little left out because in school there were so many Christmas songs, and all us Jewish kids had was the song ‘Dreidl, Dreidl, Dreidl.’”

2. “Hanukkah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.”

3. “Ross and Phoebe from ‘Friends’ say the Hanukkah blessing. So does Lenny’s pal, Squiggy, and ‘Will and Grace’s’ Debra Messing.”

4. “So many Jews are in the show biz. Bruce Springsteen isn’t Jewish, but my mother thinks he is.”

5. “Paul Newman’s half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half, too. Put them together, what a fine lookin’ Jew.”

6. “Harry Potter and his magic wannikah celebrate Hanukkah.”

7. “Joseph Gordon-Levitt enjoys eating kugel. So does Stanley, Jake Gyllenhaal and the two guys who founded Google.”

8. “Two time Oscar winning Dustin Hoffmanakah celebrates Hanukkah.”

9. “The guy in Willie Nelson’s band, who plays harmonica, celebrates Hanukkah.”

10. “You don’t need ‘Deck The Halls’ or ‘Jingle Bell Rock’, ‘cause you can spin a dreidl with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.”

11. “Princess Leia cuts the challah with Queen Elsa from Frozen. David Beckham is the king of soccer studs, and is also a quarter chosen.”

12. “Houdini and David Blaine escape strait jackets with such precision. But the one thing they could not get out of: their painful circumcision.”

13. “Some people think that Ebenezer Scrogge is. Well he’s not, but guess who is? All three stooges.”

14. “Winona Ryder drinks Manischewitz wine, then spins the dreidl with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein.”

15. “There’s Lou Reed, Perry Farrel, Beck and Paula Abdul. Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew school.”

16. “Bob Dylan was born a Jew. Then he wasn’t, but now he’s back. Mary Tyler Moore’s husband is Jewish, ‘cause we’re pretty good in the sack.”

17. “So much funakah to celebrate Hanukkah!”

18. “We’ve got Scarlett Johansson and talk about a Kosher crush. And if you need a higher voice to turn you on, how about Geddy Lee Bob Rush?”

19. “It’s not pronounced Ch-nakah. The ‘C’ is silent in Hanukkah.”

20. “Tom Arnold converted to Judaism but you guys can have him back.”

21. “So drink your yaeger bombikah and smoke your medical prodikah, if you really really wannikah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah.”

If you’re on top of Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah songs, and already know most of these quotes, take solace in the fact that Adam Sandler just released a new song — a hit Hanukkah single, if you will. His fourth Hanukkah song came out last week, and this one mentions Drake, so there’s a decent chance it will fulfill your wildest dreams. Watch it before Saturday to kick off your Hanukkah (but not on Friday after sundown).

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