1. He double texts you when you don’t respond, because he worries about you going out with your friends when he isn’t there, or what you do when he isn’t around.
2. And just generally, he’s insecure, but is trying to pass it off as “attentive.”
3. He assumes that if you haven’t had sex in three days, there’s a problem in your relationship, and will even go as far as to ask it’s your “lady time.” For that matter, he’s wildly uncomfortable with the word “period.” He’s not the kind of guy you want to move in with down the road because the shared bathroom situation would clearly be a problem.
4. He does things for appearance sake, rather than because it’s what he wants, or what he thinks you want. As in, he wouldn’t shy away from using the title of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend. But it sometimes feels like he has a girlfriend so that he can check that particularly thing off his 20-something list, rather than because he’s head over heels for you and only you.
5. He doesn’t vibe with your friend group as much as you’d like because he can be a little bit overbearing. He is either dominating the conversation, or saying nothing at all. And he’s holding your hand like a security blanket throughout the whole encounter.
6. His Tinder settings suggest that he’s looking for anyone within the range of 18-35, which is just a salute to the fact that he wants to exPeRiEnCe things, because his experience thus far is lacking.
7. He’s not appreciative of the small gestures you make to help improve his day. He says “thank you,” but generally takes those actions for granted instead of using it as an opportunity to show how the appreciation you deserve.
8. When you mention that your parents are into town, he visibly shifts his weight because he’s not only uncomfortable, but doesn’t have a legitimate excuse to get out of meeting them. He blatantly tells you that he doesn’t think your relationship is ready for the “meet the parents” step… even if you’ve been in a relationship for over a year.
9. You’re not quite sure what he does because he doesn’t like to talk about things like work, or careers, or anything tangible that might reveal more about him than his beer preferences. Oh, has he mentioned he likes craft beer?
10. They aren’t ready to have a talk about the future, because they don’t have a plan of what the future holds for them, and aren’t intent on figuring it out anytime soon. It’s hard to figure out whether you’re going to fit into a plan that doesn’t exist.
11. He doesn’t practice orgasm equality.
12. He’s resistant to making plans, but then faults you for not being able to accommodate his last-minute request to “hang.”
13. He listens to Metallica, Imogen Heap or Jason DeRulo with genuine fervor. He’s also really into house music, and has yet to realize that the only places EDM has is in a French night club, and stored in the back of our 2005 hearts.
14. He doesn’t always think before he speaks, and he is often unaware as to how you’ll react to something. Instead of apologizing when he says something that is clearly offensive to you, he’ll brush it off because “he wasn’t serious,” or will make you feel guilty for taking things too seriously.
15. He doesn’t know when to stop when it comes to turning on the charm, and sometimes goes too far, but doesn’t understand how much he desperately needs to dial it back.
16. He’s never seen Casablanca, and is unwilling to give it a chance.