1. You only hear from them on the weekends, late at night, or on bank holidays that lend themselves well to day drinking.
2. You’ve started to feel a little like their therapist. They call you to hook up but apparently before any of that can happen you need to discuss their life for 2 and a half hours. The conversation is always more in depth than you signed on for and is 80% one sided.
3. And yet, after all that, they still won’t pick up the tab for your drink.
4. They’ll occasionally reach out to give you an update on their life and how whatever issue you’ve most recently talked about is progressing, but they won’t ask about you. The worst part is, it’s not done out of malice, it just doesn’t occur to them to ask about you because they’re too wrapped up in their issues and know they can count on your support.
5. They’re never around for you when you’ve had a bad day, or need someone to talk to.
6. In fact, they’re usually MIA when you reach out to them at all— which is why you’ve stopped trying.
7. And then they somehow complain that they don’t hear from you, because though it wasn’t convenient for them to respond when you gave them attention, they still wanted the attention coming their way.
8. You were there for a time in their life when they needed a lot of support, and even if you aren’t together now, they still think of you as their crutch. They get the benefit of your support without the obligations that come with commitment.
9. If you try to discourage them from using you as a crutch, and always coming back to you, they guilt you into coming over and spending time with them. They’re upfront about the fact that they need you (and only you), which typically works to their advantage.
10. When they invite you over, they often lead with a complaint. They’ll invite you over to drink because they had a “really long day”, or have “been through a lot this week”, so that when you meet up with them, you’re guaranteed to ask how they’re doing and automatically give them sympathy.
11. You would never even bother to rely on them for support. You’ll go back to them for the sex, the nostalgia, even the company, but never because you actually think they’d be there for you as a reliable friend or significant other.
12. If they’re someone who hurt you, the fact that they now come to you for help is retroactively validating. It’s clear that even though they walked away from the relationship and claimed they didn’t need you, when things get difficult, they can’t cope without you.
13. There’s a regularity to how often and when they reach out to you and it directly correlates to when they need to feel less vulnerable. Having you around makes them feel more secure. (This generally makes your entire situation more confusing because neither of you fully understands the implications of how you make the other feel.)
14. They spend a lot of time reminiscing with you, and while they like to play it off as something they do to appease you, it’s really because they need it. The last thing you want to do is sit in the same room as them and look at old pictures together.
15. They can’t commit (or recommit) to you, but they can’t let you go.
16. The only time you don’t hear from them is when their life picks up again. You’ll know things are starting to improve because, all of a sudden, there’s radio silence on their end, because they don’t bother to tell you that things are getting better. They don’t call to thank you for being there for them, and supporting them until things turned around. You won’t get a thank you (or an apology) until the next time they need something.