24 Weird Things About Sex Women Discuss While Drinking

Flickr, Susanne Nilsson
Flickr, Susanne Nilsson

1. Threesome interest. Whether you’d have one to escape from your relationship, or to save your relationship.

2. Butt stuff. Supposedly accidental. Aggressively not accidental. Appropriate cleaning techniques.

3. Interest in girls/girls you’ve made out with. A conversation that slowly turns into, “who in this room would you make out with?” It’s like a civilized, grown-up, all female version of spin the bottle.

4. Numbers. Either a contest for the highest or a contest for the lowest, depending on your company.

5. Penis aesthetics. Right or left leaning penises and how best to blow them.

6. Cheese or oral sex. I don’t know how “Would you give up cheese or oral sex for the rest of your life?” became an appropriate party question, but it seems to be one of those unfortunate collegiate trends that just circulated. You will be asked. You will, of course, say oral sex. But you’ll hesitate.

7. How you learned to have orgasms. Because there are still people in their 20s who don’t know how to have an orgasm, and they deserve to be brought into the light.

8. Vibrator preferences. Things I’ve learned from drunk females: There’s a vibrator with knock-off Butterfinger branding. It’s called a BetterFinger and if you are alone, or no one else can see your monitor at work, you should probably look it up immediately.

9. The fact that the word labia is weird as fuck. So is the word “libido” and honestly, “clitorus” is bizarre too. Weird etymologies weren’t doing high school health classes any favors.

10. Masturbation fantasies. Stop Fantasizing About Your Boss While You Masturbate, And Other Things 20-Somethings Learn In The Workplace: A Memoir.

11. Porn preferences. And the customary bashing of the 1-3 people who claim to have never looked at or read porn.

12. Weird things that have gotten stuck up there. Admitting you’ve had a condom or forgotten tampon stuck up your vagina seems like a terrible idea sober. But over drinks, it just seems natural to tell your friends about the time you went to a doctor to get a condom removed. What? You were being safe.

13. Plan B. It’s a necessary conversation to have with a few close friends when you’re sober. But when you’re not, it becomes kosher to casually become a brand ambassador for Plan B, or a particular type of birth control you favor.

14. Safe sex. Whether you actually practice it, and a general poll of who’s completely scared of semen, versus who isn’t.

15. Ways to get people to make a move. Because casually leaning against someone while thrusting your chest out and looking wistful in a cute way is not a natural stance for anyone, ever.

16. HPV. We’re led to believe this is a taboo subject just because it can have serious or scary implications. But it’s going to be a topic of conversation at some point because about 70% of women have had it, a statistic most often proved over wine. Or, like, by medical research. But mostly wine.

17. Weird places you’ve had sex. In which someone presents an argument for elevator sex because apparently the time constraints and/or pulling the emergency lever is hotter and less panic-attack-inducing than you’d think.

18. The fact that shower sex actually blows.

19. Gag reflexes. Maybe this isn’t so much a conversation topic, as it’s the one girl who’s had 4 extra drinks loudly asking, “Am I the only one who like ALWAYS gags?” and everyone else avoiding eye contact.

20. Unintentional period sex. And how your hook up handled it.

21. Whether you’ve ever been watched — intentionally or unintentionally. Some people have abnormally well-behaved dogs.

22. Overthrusting complications. Consensus: Going for the cervix is never going for the gold. Not being able to walk properly the next day isn’t always the sign of a good time.

23. Tongue thrusters. If a woman has ever stopped you from going down on her, it’s rarely because she “wasn’t in the mood.” The silver lining is that very few of her friends actually know your real name, because they just call you the tongue jabber.

24. Shared hook-ups. You’ll discover you have a mutual hook-up early in the conversation, and immediately ask about time frame. If the hook ups happened within 3 months of each other, you’ll try to skirt over the awkwardness and move on. If they happened a year apart, whoever hooked up with them first will ask if he ever actually learned that the clit is a thing that exist. The second woman rarely responds in the affirmative. TC mark

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  • http://fromthehencoop.wordpress.com fromthehencoop

    Reblogged this on From The Hen Coop and commented:
    When I got drunk with my best friend, we had far more important things to talk about than sex. :/

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