1. People that only ever use their avocados for guacamole are being too short sighted. You’ve tapped into avocado on sandwiches, salads, toast and hollowed out with an egg inside. This ain’t small time.
2. When you leave the house you worry about your poor, possibly over-ripened avocados. Are they getting enough sunlight? Will they be ready in time for breakfast tomorrow?
3. It’s not that you’re opposed to the kale bandwagon, it’s that you’re too busy riding the avocado train straight to a guacamole-filled holyland to give much consideration to the kale/cruciferous vegetable mecca.
4. You’re like a bride who can’t stop talking about her wedding that’s five months away… except with your avocados. You keep finding a reason to bring them up in conversation and you try to stop but, like, you just C A N T.
5. You have very specific opinions re: avocado brands, and the ideal time to purchase them. Hass or generic? Do you buy less ripe avocados two days before you want to use them, or fully ripe to use day-of? Life’s great questions.
6. Whenever you see avocado toast on a menu at a breakfast place, you consider it a personal triumph. Like, you probably made that happen.
7. You plan your meals specifically around when your avocados are ripe. If you were planning taco night with mountainous amounts of guac and your avocados aren’t ready, SHUT IT DOWN. You will have tacos tomorrow instead.
8. You often fight the urge to tell people that you put avocados in smoothies or used them as a substitute in brownie mix before it was cool.
9. You don’t understand why #InGuacWeTrust isn’t constantly trending.
10. If ever, God forbid, your avocados should go bad, you’re too attached to just throw them out. So you willingly try putting them in your shampoo, or make some sort of Pinterest-inspired body wash out of them.
11. You understand that there is nothing in this world holier than slicing up avocado and brie cheese, putting it on a piece of bread and toasting it in the oven. Take. Me. To. Church.
12. You have very specific qualifications when you pick your avocados out at the grocery store. You take into consideration: coloring, firmness and everything else avocadocentral.com taught you.
13. If ever someone asks you what fruit or vegetable you’d be and why, you’d say avocado. Because they are smooth, satisfying, velvety, and need to be savored, much like your shining personality.
14. You would never dream of making guac and not leaving the pit in the middle. It looks great as a garnish and keeps it fresher and you don’t understand the monsters who just toss the pit carelessly into the trash.
15. You prefer not to Pinterest very often, but whenever you do, you Pinterest almost exclusively avocado-based recipes.
16. You want to bring all of your friends and family to the LIGHT. So whenever you go home you insist on making your parents a meal highlighting avocado so they can share your life passions.
17. In high school chemistry, you remembered Avogadro’s number because his name sounded like avocado, which was the only thing that ever made you smile in chem.
18. Avocado fries are going to oust sweet potato fries FOR DAMN SURE. And avocado benedict. You just wait and see how long Canadian bacon lasts.