1. When you get home from work and your significant others says, “hey babe, are you gonna change before dinner?” Is that a real question? Of course not. You rarely change after work. You’re wearing jeans, like, do you really need to get much classier than that to go get Thai food around the corner?
2. You two as a pair are always late for things and you always get blamed for it, even when it’s your partner’s fault.
3. Just because their hair happens to be 11 inches shorter than yours does not mean yours takes 11 times longer to do. On the contrary, long hair can be left down, or tied into a knot at the top of your head. Yet somehow no amount of gel that is 90% melted plastic can remedy short hair.
4. People generally assume that your eyeliner or mascara is perfect when really you just got lucky by going to sleep still wearing your make-up. You woke up the next morning and it was just a fluke that it still looked good.
5. Your lips aren’t naturally glossy, nor did you splurge for new Maybelline lip-gloss. Your lips are CHAPPED. And that sexy, full, glossy texture? It’s Vaseline. Sorry.
6. You get credit for the homey touches of your significant other’s room. The rug, the framed picture of the two of you, the semi-worm, rustic looking throw pillow on the bed. That was all your partner’s doing. You just came home one day and were like, “Is something different?”
7. You’ve come to know that they will always take 15 minutes longer than they say they will and now you plan ahead. There is nothing classier than a girl with her make-up accidentally well done lying on the bed reading a magazine while her boy/girl/slowpoke yells from the bathroom that they’re “almost ready!”
8. You gently suggest that maybe if they started getting ready before you, you’d both be ready at the same time but that seems to cast aspersions on their “I totally wear the pants in the relationship” brand. So you’ve given up, for their sake.
9. You’re always the person in the relationship who brings a sweater for their partner. Or their scarf, or their wallet because you had the additional time while they prepped to remember whatever they’d forget.
10. The biggest, most intense decision you make while getting ready is: How much do I really need to change out of these yoga pants? Your inner monologues sounds something like this: *If I just wear a nice top maybe I could pass the yoga pants off as fashionable, fitted black pants? Okay, fine. I’ll put on the jeans that are so worn they’re just as comfy as yoga pants and call it a day.*
11. You’ve been a relationship long enough that you keep reminding yourself that date night is a great excuse to actually put on pants and **wow** your S.O. And then you spend the next five minutes debating whether you need to wear a real bra.
12. You settle for a bralette because while you want to bring the heat, you really can’t bring yourself to bring the heat with underwire. Why would you put your boobs back in jail-like confines when you could instead put them in the comfort of lace and no support? It’s a no brainer.
13. You could never be with someone who went out all the time and dressed a certain way or had a general sense of decorum. You need someone who’s laid back and will appreciate that you look beautiful in your sweatpants-disguised-as-real-pants ensemble.
14. You don’t ever consider your lack of primping a bad thing. Being a woman who always wears the same boots because they are flat and comfortable but leathery enough to look legit, or even fashionable, is not a bad thing. And your partner loves those boots. They better. They have no other choice. You’re not changing your shoes once you’ve already put them on.