1. “I hated you in 7th grade.”
It’s kosher to reference the fact that they used to suck, but you’re glad you stuck with them anyway. Not everyone decides they’re going to be bEsT fRieNds 4ever at the age of 12. In middle school, you’re busy stirring up a huge vendetta against someone you’ll learn to love in the future.
2. “If you try to get back together with your ex, I will physically try to stop you.”
They were there for your first love. They heard about it first hand. They helped you through your first heartbreak and still feel obligated to protect you so it never happens again. They already know you won’t take their advice but they’ll give it anyway and will lecture you when you don’t take it.
3. “For a while I was worried you’d be flat chested for the rest of your life.”
Seeing you through your awkward stage gives them authority to bring it up – occasionally and within reason. Feel free to cut them off if they harp on about the bangs you cut yourself.
4. “Thank God you learned to drink something other than Franzia.”
Anytime they chide you with the “I remember my first beer” line, it dawns on you that your high school friends actually remember your first beer.
5. “Remember when you couldn’t get a date and had to take my brother to prom?”
Most people exchanged a corsage, boutineer and some awkward conversations on an overly crowded dance floor with their best friend’s sibling. Now that you’re able to find your own dates, your high school friends will force you to relive the glory days when you couldn’t.
6. “I’m not taking advice from someone who almost got arrested for ‘public indecency’ for having sex in a car near the local school.”
It happens, okay? Your high school friends know your worst, most embarrassing stories and while they’re perfectly capable of laughing them off, they’d rather hold them over your head.
7. “Remember when we used to have sleepovers just to enjoy each other’s company and not because you were too drunk to get yourself home.”
Your high school friends have seen you at your drunkest, but also knew you in your stone cold sober days. Once upon a time, using the word ‘sleepover’ didn’t imply that your night involved sex, hard drugs or alcohol.
8. “We all thought you were the one who’d go completely crazy after high school.”
Your friends had an over/under on how many people you’d hook-up with, break-up with, throw-up on and/or get in a fight with during your first year of college.
9. “If we all kept eating the way we did in high school, we’d be obese.”
It’s no secret in your friend group that you ate like all the food on the planet would disintegrate tomorrow. In theory, these eating habits have been tamed since. Maybe.
10. “… Do you still have that All-American Rejects shirt?”
Any reference to a time when you took part in the cult following of a shitty band, television show, etc. is fair game, especially while in the presence of a new significant other.
11. “DON’T TELL THEM ABOUT THE THING, OR I’LL TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR–– “
Cue immediate recognition and awkward segue.
12. “I’m proud of you for becoming a real person.”
Your high school friends are the only people in your life -outside of your family-who saw you fight your way through your awkward phase, your rebellious phase and your too-baked-to-move phase. They’ve seen you grow up and while it gives them a free pass to make fun of you, it also makes them more proud of you than you can imagine. They don’t care if you have an amazing job, or went to college, or if you’re in a relationship. They’re just happy you’re a) alive and b) still a part of their lives.