We’re infatuated with dissatisfaction.
Problems arise and we insist that we can’t figure them out. We falter when a decision needs to be made, and hand the choice off to someone else.
There are things we don’t understand and we complain. Complaining is easier than silencing the mental vices in our head long enough to go find an answer. We have every bit of information at our fingertips and it annoys us because it’s taking away our excuses.
So we keep making excuses, hoping that someone will pity us enough to supply an answer and point us in the right direction.
I’m always told the things that scare us are the ones beyond our control. In reality, I don’t think anything scares us as much as the things we can control but choose not to.
You’ll break your own heart succumbing to the mandates of other people and not doing anything about it.
The more you relinquish control over your life, the more you will sink into a heartbreak of your own creation.
You are forever stuck in a waiting game when adhering to the process others have set for you. All you’re really doing is putting yourself on hold, biding your time until the project manager of your life gives you the go-ahead.
When you take control of your life, you stop asking for permission. You stop asking people to sign off on the life you want to lead. Your life is not a petition that needs a thousand signatures.
You stop seeking validation and expecting everyone to approve or veto each of your decisions before you pull the trigger. You slowly rid yourself of the expectation that after you do the “right thing” you’ll get a gold star, or some equivalent form of gratification. You won’t.
You’re aware of the repercussions that stem from your actions and for the first time, you’re actually prepared for them. If you realize your relationship is wrong for you, you leave. Despite the emptiness, you’re strong enough to give yourself credit for walking away. If you quit your job, you know better than to complain about your new budget. You accept that it comes with the territory.
You’ve learned the truth: You can have your cake, or you can eat it, but you can’t bitch about your choice mid-bite.
Taking control of your life means finding the answers, without someone pushing you to. So you chase the information you need. You’ll willingly call Fidelity to figure out what’s happening with your 401(k) and while you may misuse the word “vested” many, many times, you will hang up (hours later) and feel a small sense of relief.
Your skin will thicken. You will stop apologizing for yourself, for not being good enough, pretty enough, or clever enough. You’ll realize you have nothing to apologize for and that anyone who puts you down does not deserve an apology. You will feel this start to please you while simultaneously finding it unnatural. Your instinct is to apologize. Your instinct is to defer to others and when you make the choice to not be submissive no one is more surprised than you.
The next time you make a major life decision and tell someone about it, without asking for him or her to weigh in, watch the reaction you get. They won’t fight you on it, as you expect. Chances are they’ve been prepping you to step in and take control all along.
Take control of your life and you’ll be less inclined to revel in dissatisfaction. It will never feel as good as the satisfaction you get when you figure things out for yourself.