1. “Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!”

2. “You wanna party? It’s $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.”

3. “I’m gonna go talk to some food about this.”

4. “Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn’t cried once today? This moi.”

5. “Lovers? That word bums me out unless it’s between the words, ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.’”

6. “And now I am heading home for a nooner—which is what I like to call having pancakes for lunch.”

7. “I support women. I’m like a human BRA.”

8. “Hear, eat the bacon. It’ll lubricate your heart.”

9. “Trying on jeans is my favorite thing! Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.”

10. “BLAMMO! Another successful interaction with a man!”

11. “I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.”

12. “I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?”

13. “Here’s a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way, when you’re done, you have a treat!”

14. “It must be my sesuality. Because I am so overly sensual.”

15. “I need to dance this out.”

16. “You can try to change New York, but it’s like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there’s nothing you can do.”

17. “I’m gonna get the wedding dress, and then I’m gonna have a baby, and then I’m gonna die and I’m gonna meet a super cute guy in heaven.”

18. “You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.”

19. “I had the essentials in my carry-on: toiletries, closed-toe shoes, and the State Department-recommended mosquito head-net.”

20. “I’ll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created the X-Men.”

21. “My work self is suffocating my life-me.”

22. “You didn’t realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?”

23. “Yes. May I please speak to pizza?”

24. “Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing.”

25. “Oh God. YOUTHS!”

26. “Can’t one human being not like another human being? Can’t we all just not get along?”

27. “When you have a serious offer, email me at tater tot freak at hotmail dot com.”

28. “But we’re not the worst. Graduate students are the worst.”

29. “We live together, we love each other. I ignore it when you eat popsicles by biting them with your teeth, which is insane.”

30. “Who hasn’t made mistakes? I once French kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.”