1. You are sometimes annoyed that the “I was soooo drunk last night” excuse doesn’t work for you because everyone knows you probably weren’t. (No, really, you’ve tried to use this excuse and had someone call you out. And then you have to admit to everyone that you were really just being stupid, and it wasn’t as a result of intoxication.)
2. Your friends often come up to you after a night of drinking and ask if they were annoying the night before. Honestly, they weren’t. And if they were, it was worth it for the hilarity.
3. At college parties, you made the joke that the water you were drinking was actually vodka. You then continued to make the joke for the next 6 months, until finally realizing that it wasn’t actually funny, people were just laughing because they were drunk. (You still use the joke every once and a while, though.)
4. The stories from the times you’ve drunk excessively are retold by your friends a few too many times for your liking. On the plus side, if you have a night when you engage in a serious love affair with LITs, your friends are more tolerant of it because they like to be reminded that you’re capable of getting drunk.
5. You are known for your annoying levels of moderation. When one of your friends wants to control their drinking, you’re the one they come to. You genuinely appreciate that they trust you enough to ask for your help.
6. You constantly have to remind people that you’re fun too. Sure, there will always be a correlation between your fun quotient and the amount you drink, but it doesn’t apply to everyone.
7. It’s generally assumed that you will DD, because everyone knows you’re the one who’s most likely to be sober. Your friends still ask politely whether you’re willing, even though they already know you’ll say yes.
8. Sometimes you’re legitimately glad to have the “I’m driving” excuse when there are people who’ve made it their mission to push drinks on you. Anyone who doesn’t drink will tell you that the most frustrating thing is people trying to get you to take 8 shots of vodka. (Of all the alcohols to use while trying to convince someone to drink, you chose vodka? BUT WHY?)
9. You resent it when someone assumes you can’t drink straight whisky, or a really good beer, because you happen to drink less than them. You seriously consider going on a quality versus quantity rant, but ultimately decide you’d rather not be that pretentious.
If you drink sparingly, you often forget that your tolerance is extremely low and end up accidentally getting drunk off two drinks. Someone will ask why you don’t want a third and you’ll have to explain that if you have another drink, you’ll literally fall asleep at the bar. It’s awkward.
10. Your friends constantly ask you what it’s like to know for sure that you didn’t do anything stupid last night. You try to use opportunities like these to remind them that you would never actually judge them for drinking too much, and that they probably didn’t do anything as ridiculous as they’re imagining.
11. At least once in your sober career, you’ve order a “ginger ale” at a bar, and the bartender has made you a whisky ginger instead. You handed it off to a friend, and then tried to convince the bartender not to charge you for it.
12. You like to remind your parents that you went off to college and didn’t drink. It’s not as honorable as it sounds, because you typically use that reminder to draw their attention away from the things in your life they’d disapprove of.
13. You are often asked if you smoke a lot, in lieu of drinking excessively. If your answer is no, the person asking tends to question your ability to have fun.
14. As much as you’d rather not admit it, steering clear of alcohol in a bar makes hooking up with someone a lot harder because you don’t want to go home with someone who’s really drunk when you’re really not. It’s much harder to gauge whether they’re into you and you don’t want to take advantage of someone else’s inebriation.
15. You feel the need to clearly state that even though you probably won’t drink tonight, you would still very much like to take part in any drunk munching that’s going to happen later in the evening. You don’t need to be drunk to be overly enthusiastic about cheese fries at 2 a.m.