Human beings are complex. Possibly the most complex species on Earth. As a shrink, I can say that categorically, human beings say one thing and mean another. Even if you are telling your partner the God’s honest truth…That all you want is casual sex… He/she may be misreading your body language. To ensure that he/she reads your words and body language as congruent, use these 10 effective ways to communicate that your interest is in pure, gratuitous satisfaction and nothing more.
1. Don’t ever invite your sexual partner out on a date
Even if your partner is cool to hang out with and you just want to have a little fun together, don’t ever invite her/him out on a date. A date is defined as anything where you meet up somewhere, go together somewhere, or share an evening together. If you cross the boundaries by giving her/him hope that there may be something more in the future, you are going to regret it. If you want to maintain a sex-only relationship text for booty calls, or rendezvous only.
2. Do let your sexual partner see you with other people
If you are out somewhere and run into your sexual partner, don’t feel badly if you are with someone else. In fact, it is recommended that you are seen with other women and men occasionally. If you aren’t dating someone else, he/she may get the idea that he/she is your one and only and that is a bad message to send. Don’t make her/him your only sexual encounter, or booty call if you want to remain non-exclusive.
3. No cuddling
After sex is over you must not ever, and I mean ever, stick around for a cuddling session. When you cuddle with a partner it tells her/him that you have feelings. Cuddling is something that should be reserved for relationships only, not casual sex.
4. No gifts
It makes no difference if it is her birthday, or yours, there should be absolutely no gifts exchanging hands. Don’t think that if it is something related to sex it is okay. If you find something that you want to use, or something that you want your partner to wear, make sure he/she knows that it is not a gift. When gifts are given there is subtext present that implies that a relationship is being forged. This leads to trouble if you want to remain non-monogamous.
5. No nicknames
If you give her/him a nickname, you are communicating that you are thinking about her/him frequently. You are also communicating that she/he holds a special place in your world. Call your sexual partner what everyone else calls her/him instead of giving your partner some special name that is just between you two.
6. Don’t spend the night
When the sex is over it is time to get lost. There may be the occasion when you fall asleep, just try to always remember to hit the road before your partner wakes up. If you are still there in the morning that gives your partner a false sense of relationship. Try to always love ‘em and leave ‘em so that they know where they stand and don’t get the impression that it is anything more than mutual satisfaction.
7. Never discuss feelings
If you want to send a signal that there is going to be nothing more than sex than make sure that you never talk about anything personal or anything that really means something. This is critical to remember. Human beings are emotional creatures and if you relate your emotional life to another they assume that a bond is consequently shared.
8. Don’t talk in future tense
Always talk about things in the present. If you talk about what is going to happen, or a possible future you are going to a message to your partner that there is a future between the two of you. When you are having casual sex the idea is that when it is no longer conducive to you it is time to move on. Keeping it in the here and now is the only way to ensure that your partner understands that everything is temporary; therefore it is best not to get attached.
9. Never ask about your sexual partner’s plans
When you meet out don’t talk about who you were with, or what he/she was doing. If it is just casual sex then there is no reason that you need to be concerned about who your partner was with or what he/she was doing and vice versa. Casual sex is about two people knowing very little about each other. It is the battle of who cares less. If you cross over from safety and lack of information there is no turning back.
10. Don’t introduce her to anyone
If you are making your way somewhere for your rendezvous and you run into someone you know, take pains not to introduce your partner to that other person. I know it is going to be awkward, but make your conversation short and move along. If you introduce your partner as more than a “friend” you are going to have to explain your relationship, or you are going to have to tell your partner who the other person is. That is letting your sexual partner into your world and something that can complicate things.