man standing behind chain link fence holding to fence during golden hour

I Thought I Knew A Man

Trigger warning: Domestic abuse

I thought I knew a man
Like the back of my hand
But all he showed me
Was how he liked to connect
The back of his hand
To the side of my cheeks

And I spent so many weeks
Trying to figure out
What I did or what I said
To make the man mad
But I ended up weak
For the way he said sorry
And the smile that replaced
The grimace on his face

He did a dance
That mad man
With the excuses he made
And the faces he carried
But on the scariest days
He showed me both
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
Even at the same time

And time with him passed
Like molasses in the winter
He took his hands
And placed all his faces
In places where
I tried so hard to run
But I grew tired
While he grew stronger

I tipped and toed
Between this friend and foe
Not knowing which one he was
I guessed each day
And even when I was right
It ended up wrong
Like sad lyrics
In a happy song

At the end I didn’t know
The man who went mad
Because I was just
A passing fad
The sad part being
I was not the one to go fleeing

For he left me
And I stayed down
Gathering things off the ground
Like bits of my heart
And chunks of my sanity
Trying desperately to decipher
Between the haze and reality

I started studying people
Like the backs of their hands
Waiting for the moment
Where they would strike
My dermis or my soul
Not knowing which one
Took more of a toll

But still I searched for heads
That only held one face
Because I vowed
To myself and my body
That I was the only one
Who could draw blood

I would not fall victim
To things like love
That belonged to balled fists
Or eyes that sat in many faces
But mostly
Never to a man who went mad

About the author
sarcasm is my love language. Follow Maura on Instagram or read more articles from Maura on Thought Catalog.

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