There was a time in my life where if a guy called me a psycho or crazy they would hit a button that would have my hands mercilessly around their neck while I defended that I wasn’t “crazy.”
I wasn’t crazy, I cared.
In this day and age we have learned that “not caring,” is synonymous with “playing hard to get,” and/or “being cool.” Being cool, means that you actually are a cool person, which is subjective to the person evaluating whether they think your personality is stellar or not. I don’t play hard to get, I am hard to get.
I don’t act like I don’t care because to be quite frank, if you have hooked up with me it’s a pretty good indicator that I care in someway or another. It may be in the way that I don’t ever want to be around you again or it’s in a way that I haven’t fully figured out. I think that honesty is the coolest thing in 2015, but unfortunately sometimes if you’re honest you will scare someone away.
I don’t mean honesty in a hurtful way, but being honest with yourself and your emotions. It took me a long time to understand confusing emotions and I can’t say that I always know what I want, but I do know that trying to play games and acting like you don’t care normally hurts more than being honest with yourself.
I have so many flaws. I know that I have many flaws and I know my insecurities, but sometimes owning them is a lot cooler than acting like they don’t exist. I am not a good sharer. Some girls can get with guys who have had sex with all their friends and some guys will have sex with girls who have had sex with all their boys. I don’t want to share spit or even stares with one of my friends.
I normally like to lead with I’m not a good “sharer,” like also let’s not exclude food (I am also not good at sharing food.) If you want me, want me. I know what I have to offer and remembering that is always the number one thing to recommend. That being said what I have to offer may not be enough for some people, which I used to take personally. It’s not personal. Not every guy is meant for every girl. If we were all perfect for someone else we would never find the people who really make our hearts flutter.
If caring means crazy, than I am crazy. My crazy is awesome and I think being a little bit crazy is a very cool quality. Not only am I crazy, but I am a bit dramatic. I used to be ashamed of my extreme emotions, but as I have grown up and they have subsided a bit I realize now that feeling so deeply and caring so much is a marvelous and magical thing. When I love, I love hard. When I cry, I cry so hard. When I want to respond to a text I do, when I don’t want to I don’t. I love this quality and I am no longer afraid to “own it.”
I know this is the most cliché quote of all time, but in the words of Lewis Carroll, “You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head… But I’ll tell you a secret. All of the best people are.”