Advice From A Funemployed Human

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Shutterstock

Today marks day 23 of Funemployment and I must say, it’s going well. I mean… I spend most of my days freaking the fuck out about my depleting funds but I shouldn’t complain too much. I have lunches with my employed friends, dinners and drinks with old co-workers. A bottle of wine each night is absolutely acceptable. I work out. I go for long walks. The other day I walked around my neighborhood with a jump rope pausing at random street corners and grassy knolls for a little cardio every few blocks… I went jump roping.

I clean my apartment 2, sometimes 3, times a day. If you don’t like the way your bed looks, make it again! I cook; I’ve been really into making elaborate breakfasts circa 11am (a totally fine time for breakfast). I bought a camera and have since taken hundreds of bad pictures. A few nights ago, I took a bunch of short videos along the East River. I’ve been editing the clips together and the composition resembles The Black Swan or The Blair Witch Project. I take online quizzes. I’m Producer Barbie and if I were a 90s toy trend, I’d be Furby.

I watch the Today Show, The View, CNN. I would hate to be the President. And ISIS is fucking nuts. I play Tinder (that’s a game, right?). I abuse my data plan; Facebook and Instagram require constant maintenance. I organize my calendar and make to-do lists. How rewarding is drawing a line through “Laundry?” I refresh my email. I think about how hard life is. I think about First World problems and Third World problems and spend no time at all thinking about the Second World. Until just now, I had no idea that the Second World describes the area under Soviet influence during the Cold War. I Google.

I apply for jobs. I look at online listings and classifieds and think I’d be good at everything. I’ve convinced myself that I’d be an excellent paralegal, as well as modern dance instructor, high school play director, and VP of Development for Viacom.

I eat frozen yogurt in the afternoon.  I think about how difficult it must be to be a child. I daydream. I stay optimistic. I laugh. TC mark

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