Valentine’s Day: Sexual Christmas For Singles
By Matthew Leeb
All filler. No killer. Valentine’s Day is a sexual Christmas for singles; and it’s all thanks to you, Mr. and Mrs. Happy Relationship. When you’re saying how lucky you are, we’re getting lucky.
What else are we to do? Your rational, married minds aren’t here to steer sense from deviancy. The grown-ups are out and it’s time for a tryst.
Don’t feel for us though. We’re perfectly fine unsupervised – that is if we open our minds to the world around us. Remember, Johnny and Jenny Lonely, we’re not alone in wanting to feel special. The winter sun needs not set on our unrequited emotions.
We abandoned can band together. Pair off and explore the air sans rules. We needn’t stand on ceremony like you. Abandonment can be freedom.
Just be sure to play your cards right. Hedge your bets. There’s still a few days to go before the big dance. Put out your feelers. Judge the mood. We’re not necessarily making dates. We’re sowing seeds. A simple, “V-day sucks. All my friends are ditching us for their bf/gf,” two days before proves quite the subliminally tempting text.
Not only are we imparting to boy/girl of interest we’re both single, we’re also letting them know our dinner card could be clear. Come day-and-date, when liquored-up loneliness decays into desperation, potential paramour – free of the earwig that would otherwise vet their valentine – now have us in mind. In mere minutes, dinner alone can find its mate.
If anything, view it an expressive fuck you to coupledom. Not so much a celebration of love as a sexual subversion. After your song and dance, we know where you end up: in bed.
Smite the smitten right in their heart. We can skip the decorum and get straight to our presents, regardless of whether we were good or not this year. Screw you. Sodom calls without an example of wholesome security.
It doesn’t always need to be impromptu though. Under the guise of ‘why not?’ we can still fetch a valentine pre-14th. The beauty too is a voiced disapproval with the day plants little expectation in the mind. We’re merely casual company kept to quiet the heart – a weakly gagged heart that is.
A touch of red wine quickly stirs the unspeakable to conversation. And while you two are rapt in each other’s love, blissfully unconcerned with our plight; we’re wrapped in unbridled lust, blissfully unconcerned with your criticism. Sex can be quite cathartic.
So who’s the real winner now come Valentine’s Day? Our wallets are still full. Our expectations were bettered. Our misery was mummed. And we wake up to a reality weighed only by a hangover and flesh, not a scheduled double-date over brunch.
Cull through your phones my friends. Find your Mr. or Mrs. Right-Now. Phone ye the lonely. Valentine’s Day is for us singles, too.