About Our Restaurant

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Shutterstock

Calling all food lovers, enthusiasts, and other dependents!

Since confirming our hypothesis that there is only one way to misinterpret a Drive-Thru, the restaurant has undergone massive reconstruction. We are happy to announce that it will be (re-re) re-opening soon. But, before you attend, I should note a few changes in order to alleviate any concerns you might have:

  • The name of the restaurant, currently ‘Ø’, is prompt to change every other Wednesday.
  • Diet restrictions are a great concern in the kitchen (it’s basically a peanut apartheid back there). We are always mindful of your vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, fructose-free, gender neutral, Republican, Hasidic, and Amish (although it might take a little longer) diets.
  • For example, if an item shows what appears to be a “broccoli” symbol, this means the food will either be vegetarian or a peanut trying to sneak its way through. Stay vigilant.
  • If an item shows what appears to be a “hot pepper” symbol, this means the food will be pretty spicy, unless you ordered the hot peppers, in which case, it won’t be. (We totally messed up.)
  • We now have our website up and running. To address some concerns that suggest the pictures of food were picked randomly from the Internet we offer an explanation: they looked better
  • There is some good and bad news about the chicken. The bad news is: the chickens were not free range. The good news is: they weren’t necessarily innocent either.
  • I should also warn you about the nutritional information section of the website. Whenever it says “0mg”, it does not mean zero milligrams, it means “Omg”, as in, Oh my God, that’s way too many milligrams!”
  • We accept Groupons and foreigners.
  • We offer up plenty in terms of entertainment. There will be a live band taking suggestions based on the bowel movements our food will cause.
  • The name of the restaurant has been changed to ‘Ampersand & Ampersand’.
  • We don’t have a soup of the day because we find our soups have attention issues. It’s also because we only have one soup. I hope you like the tears of freshly orphaned peanuts!

Despite all these mild concerns and changes, we guarantee our food will leave your mouth watering (and then drinking, waiting forever for a refill, and, finally, slowing closing into a grimace once we inform you that we’re all out of drinks and ask if we can borrow your cups.) TC mark

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