1. You keep artificial sweetener in small dimes bags for convenience, officer.
2. You can’t function throughout the day unless you get your morning fix.
3. You have etched clues to your addiction into the walls of your social networks.
4. A fact that has caused your friends to no longer follow you down this road. (Like, we get it, #caffeine is life. Real original.)
5. You need it to party, with full knowledge that it will keep you up all night.
6. You learned the difference between a coffee mug and robbing a barista at gun point the hard way, allegedly.
7. You’ve tried quitting before and that was the worst 2 hours of your life.
8. People don’t give you money on the streets because they know you’re going to spend it at Starbucks.
9. Your breath reeks from it and you’re covered with stains.
10. You can only get that really good shit from Colombia.
11. You walk around hooked up to an IV filled with the stuff.
12. It wakes you up! And wouldn’t ya know it, you don’t want the right to remain silent. That’s like irony I think.