1. He treats your dates like Maggie Smith treats the Emmys.
2. He’s rude to Waiters.
3. His nickname for you is Waiters.
4. He’s not there for you in your darkest hour.
5. Or in any other unflattering lighting.
6. He uses you as a human shield in any imminent danger situation.
7. He would choose his antique collection of red flags over you, any day.
8. He always forgets his wallet by not showing up.
9. He didn’t laugh when you spontaneously said, “More like, Orange is the new CRACK!”
10. Granted, no one did, but he could at least be a little more supportive of your comedic endeavors.
11. He has zero brain activity.
12. For your first date he took you to the Gathering of the Juggalos.
13. While you were getting your face tattoo removed, he messaged you on Tinder to remind you that it wasn’t a “date-date.”
14. On the off chance that he’s not a fictional character in a romantic comedy, he’s probably just not into you.
15. He says so.