10 Signs You’re A Foodie

1.

You own an apron that says “Quiche the Cook.”

2.

You think Wonder Bread is up for interpretation.

3.

You caught yourself defending Guy Fieri in a moment of weakness.

4.

You drink bleach to cleanse your palate before a wine tasting.

5.

You can’t look at any screens for fear of finding out Cake Boss spoilers such as: They made cake and ate it.

6.

You’d take a bullet for a store-bought red velvet cupcake, but not for the president.

7.

You can’t Instagram your risotto because you ate it already; you’re also dipping below 100 followers again for sharing too many pictures of empty plates.

8.

You pretend to be a wood chipper by slowly pushing breadsticks into your mouth.

9.

You’ve experimented in pescatarian, flexitarian, macrobiotic, raw, organic, republican, metaphysical, and Hasidic forms of vegetarianism.

10.

You’re a prick about food.