1. You have begun to categorize your friends in terms of: Most Recent, Most Liked, and Most Viewed.
2. You’re reading a list that’s so you, paid for by Mountain Dew, but still very much you.
3. Your friends and family are concerned.
4. When the WiFi quits working for even just a second, you scream: “FUCK FUCK FUCK!” and jump out the window.
5. You claim you were “hacked” when you didn’t wish your grandmother a happy birthday in person.
6. They tell you to be more “present,” yet wont except your celebratory E-cards on holidays. Like what is up with that?
7. You spend hours reading into conspiracy theories of TV shows you don’t even watch, until you realize that you, yes you, are dead, and merely a figment of the schizophrenic protagonist’s imagination; FUN!
8. There are no self-help books in list format (TLDNR much?)
9. They pushed you to take an online course but you dropped out immediately after learning that “PSY 101” was not an introduction to Gangnam Style.
10. They write a relatable article on a website they know their son will check, and use it as an opportunity to say: “Matthew, we just want to help.”