Matthew Hanick

If an item shows what appears to be a “hot pepper” symbol, this means the food will be pretty spicy, unless you ordered the hot peppers, in which case, it won’t be. (We totally messed up.)

A major downside, though, is that blue-face-thingy staring at me, you know, judging me, judging it.

Turn down for Why?

“Biggest” Pumpkin Contest, the first pumpkin contest in which the pumpkin’s value isn’t determined by weight, but instead, by arrogance.

21. What’s good about these types of articles is that it takes literally no research.

Ryan is a well-rounded individual, as well as diagonal, congruent, perpendicular, and other geometrical qualities that met our incredibly strict flexible criteria. I had no choice but to hire him on the spot when I found him in my briefcase.

Therapist: I see. Well do you have any idea where you would have developed this sort of behavior—from your parents perhaps?

Welcome to CrossFit Kids! Perhaps you’ve read one of our pamphlets, such as “Double Dutch Much? or “Potty, Training?”