Matthew Hanick

A rude dude with a bad attitude.

Articles by
Matthew Hanick

About Our Restaurant

If an item shows what appears to be a “hot pepper” symbol, this means the food will be pretty spicy, unless you ordered the hot peppers, in which case, it won’t be. (We totally messed up.)

The “Biggest” Pumpkin Contest

“Biggest” Pumpkin Contest, the first pumpkin contest in which the pumpkin’s value isn’t determined by weight, but instead, by arrogance.

A Contortionist’s Letter Of Recommendation

Ryan is a well-rounded individual, as well as diagonal, congruent, perpendicular, and other geometrical qualities that met our incredibly strict flexible criteria. I had no choice but to hire him on the spot when I found him in my briefcase.

Internet Commenter Therapy

Therapist: I see. Well do you have any idea where you would have developed this sort of behavior—from your parents perhaps?