Look people, I don’t claim to be the sharpest tool in the shed. In fact, I don’t even claim to be sharp, or even in the shed for that matter. I can admit that, at times, I’ve been a complete tool…but I feel like that’s getting off track here. What I do know, without a doubt, is that dating today is fucked. I mean seriously, beyond belief, what-in-the-flying-shit-are-we-doing kind of fucked.
Guys have no idea how to tell if a girl is seriously into him, or just bullshitting around for free drinks and to kill time. Girls have no idea if a guy is looking to find his way into her pants, or really get to know her and find his way into her heart. Sometimes neither party knows what’s going on, what they want, what the situation is, or how to navigate such a pothole filled road.
Ultimately we’re all wondering just how in the hell to figure this whole “not being alone forever because I really don’t want to take care of 6 dogs, 4 cats, and a goddamn parrot just to feel needed” thing. Sounds dramatic? Damn right it is, I’m barely holding on to my twenties, with no kids and no stable relationship, and the clock is ticking. But here are six tips to hopefully navigate us through.
1. Remember Your Social Skills!
I don’t know about you, but the MOST AWKWARD thing to me, whether I’m on a date or just trying to spark the interest of someone, is when I feel like I am guiding the entire conversation. And this is coming from a male perspective!! Realistically, WE ARE supposed to be asking more of the questions, getting to know her, making her feel special, etc. However, we fully expect reciprocation to some extent. One word answers, lack of eye contact, no semblance of true interest……these things indicate to us that you are NOT interested. You might be shy, and completely and totally into us, but you can bet your ass we won’t feel that way.
Now, guys, if you do this, you can basically kiss any chance you had goodbye. Your entire goal, your mission, is to make her laugh. Keep her entertained. Learn about her. Make her feel like her answers to your questions are the only thing that matter to you at that moment in time. This is really just like Social Dynamics 101, yet so many people in my generation have trouble with this that I’m about to start a monthly self-help newsletter.
2. Be Honest, To A Fault, With Everything You Say.
If you’re looking to just meet new people and play the field, say it. Don’t lead anyone on. If you’re hoping to stumble into something that leads to that happily-ever-after love, say it. The worst thing that we’re doing to each other nowadays is not being transparent about our intentions.
I don’t care what it is; If you’re hoping to just date someone on the surface to appear normal because you hire hookers to spank you while you wear adult diapers, just say I…..……..errr, scratch that. Be honest about the first part, casual surface dating. Keep the kinky shit locked deep inside till at least the 3rd date.
3. Be Willing To Pick Up The Check.
I don’t care what you believe, whether it should be picked up by the guy, split, picked up by whoever initiated the date…..whatever. Unless otherwise specified, both parties should at least be willing to entertain the idea, and pull out a wallet, even if you know damn well the other person intends on paying. When I take out a girl on a date, I expect to pay. A few times, just to be sweet, they beat me to it (I had my wallet on the table, it became a fun race). That showed a ton about their character. Ladies, I’m in no way saying “pay for more dates”. Not at all. But the willingness to, that goes great lengths in proving that you’re independent, fair, cool, and are perfectly capable and happy to pay for things sometimes. After all, in a relationship it’s usually give and take when it comes to who’s going to pay for what.
4. Be Confident, Not Cocky.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about yourself. If you’re really proud of something, confident about something, by all means talk about it. Women love men who exude confidence, and real men love women who can do the same. But there is a fine line between being confident and being cocky, and the latter is really kind of suffocating.
When someone is confident, you can feed off that and let it amplify your own confidence. Cockiness is different, and it can certainly be a turn off. Too much of that and the conversations turn into a weird form of a bragging contest, like the other party is trying to keep up. Nothing has ever been wrong with a little modesty.
5. Don’t Spend Too Much Time Talking About Past Relationships.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to even point this out, but unfortunately, my faith in the dating scene is consistently let down. I’ve been on dates where the girl kept mentioning something about her ex and I could barely fight the urge to tell her to invite his ass, just make sure he covers the insane bar tab I’m about to ring up. I’ve also seen guys approach girls in the bar, and within minutes start discussing the girl who did them wrong. This shit is not attractive, for either sex. If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to touch on something, fine, but DO NOT DWELL. A couple sentences will do, at most. Trust me.
6. Be Yourself!
Just because he/she is into hiking up mountains, playing nude water polo in shark infested waters, cooking meth in the garage Breaking Bad style, or whatever…..You SHOULD NOT pretend that you’re into the same stuff when you’re not. By all means, ask questions and be interested in their hobbies, but don’t try to make yourself seem so perfect by acting like you’re into the SAME EXACT SHIT!!
Look, I will never skydive or bungee jump. Why? I don’t personally believe in jumping out of airplanes that are NOT crashing and I certainly don’t believe in tying a giant rubber band to myself and leaping off of tall things. That’s just me. I casually dated a girl who loved that stuff, and I never once let her think I would entertain the idea of going, but I did ask to see the pictures from it. That was to let her know that even though it’s not my thing, I want to see how into it she is.
Bottom line: show interest but be yourself. You should round each other out, teach each other new things, and be able to build each other up with new experiences and interests (if you’re willing, my skydive example is not applicable. Fuck all of that nonsense).
That’s it. There really is no set way to go about things, but these are damn good guidelines to follow. It’s a treacherous, dog-eat-dog dating world out there, so the more you equip yourself with the knowledge of it, the better off you’ll be.
Happy mating ladies and gents!!