There’s A Way To Stop Letting Good Men Pass You By / svetikd / svetikd

There’s a double standard in the dating world. Or, at least, a complete imbalance. See, as many strides as we have made towards equality and women’s rights, there is one facet that everyone seems to turn a blind eye to…mating. The most basic and arguably one of the more important elements of humanity, sex (and on a deeper note, reproduction), and the art of going from standing vertically with a member of the opposite sex to being horizontal preparing for coutious, has certainly had to be mastered by men way more so than women.

If you’re a good looking girl who flips her hair seductively and gives me a grin, I am more than up for putting my baby making formula right inside of you (or the thin rubber sheath that barely acts as a barrier for our bare skin). As a guy making approaches, this is the best case scenario: The initial start of conversation went smoothly, both parties have shown interest, there’s been banter traded back and forth, the intensity of the flirting has increased drastically, and there has been a conscious decision made to sleep with each other. Well, the women make a conscious decision. As a member of the male species, I can vouch that we follow our penis like a compass leading us to the north star. If they make the decision, we will follow without fail. That is the BEST CASE.

Let’s think about how it realistically occurs more often than not: A guy walks into a bar with his friends. He starts to eye a group of a few girls at a corner table, and instantly surveys the scene for signs of engagement rings. If the indicators are not present, he may approach said table and try to initiate a light-hearted conversation. If the conversation falters and goes nowhere, rinse and repeat with groups of girls until one is found that is acceptable of the advances. Once targets have been acquired, the male must then walk the tight rope between being nice and being mysterious/rebellious, confident but not cocky, and interested without seeming like he is trying too hard. If he can manage to balance all of this, and do the social acrobatics necessary to distance himself from the hoards of other males that have made lackluster approaches since they day the girl grew a set of tits, he may then start to really try to garner interest.

Fast forward an hour. Let’s say that everything was going well, pheromones were flying around uncontrollably, and the sexual tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Now, the pressure is on for the male to make a move. Whether it be the casual and easy “I’d like to see you again, what’s your number” question, the slightly­ more ballsy kiss goodnight move after getting the number, or the swing­-for-­the-­fences attempt of “I live right down the street from here, why don’t you come over and watch funny YouTube videos of dogs acting like humans”…it all comes down to the man mustering up the courage, facing the possibility of another rejection, and going for it. No matter what he tries, it’s always a gamble with the self-­esteem.

I think this is all pretty common sense, something that every millennial has had embedded in their psyche since a young age. Men make the moves, women accept or decline.

Nowadays, I say fuck that. In almost every other important aspect of life, men and women are being treated equally and given the same amount of consideration. I think it’s about time the dating world stepped up and stopped living in the past. See, girls, us guys are not only impressed by your boldness when you approach us…you have also made yourself look that much better than every other passive girl there. You are confident, you exude an air of beauty, and you’re not scared to go and try to get what you want. All of that becomes clear to us the moment you make the first move. We’re thrown off guard. This is something we are not really used to. When you can make the first move, initiate conversation, and keep the banter going effortlessly we’re flat out shocked. At the end of the night, if you ask for our number, give the obvious signs you want us to kiss you, and offer to take us home or come home with us…at that point you’re like the equivalent of a leprechaun riding a unicorn; we are not sure if this shit is real or we’re hallucinating.

Initiative is sexy. Take it from a guy’s point of view, a guy who has many female friends and has certainly hooked up with his share of women. A guy who has done the approaching and has been approached as well. A guy who forgets half the girls he hits on, but will never forget the ones who acted with such self-­assurance that they had no qualms with hitting on him.

By not taking initiative, there is absolutely no telling how many good men you ladies miss out on.

Ladies, you have to realize, there are A LOT of guys who do not know how to approach girls, who don’t have the social skills, but otherwise would make great boyfriend material. If they could just get past that one little hiccup. So, for all of you single girls who complain about being single, take the initiative. If you think he’s attractive and he hasn’t hit on you, don’t assume it’s because he doesn’t want to. Maybe he doesn’t have the thick skin needed to deal with rejection after rejection after rejection…and just can’t stomach another one right then and there. In his mind, he’s already been shot down before he opened his mouth, and his past hasn’t proven differently.

By not taking initiative, there is absolutely no telling how many good men you ladies miss out on. How many of those guys would make great boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. You may never know. But you’ll certainly know what it’s like to cry into your Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road pint when Valentines Day comes around and you’re the only one you know without a date. Initiative is sexy. Take it. It could change your life and the life of a lucky (albeit shy) guy too. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a 29 year old aspiring writer and musician, who drinks too much and hooks up with morally questionable women.

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