woman holding orange and yellow flowers

Read This If You’re A Compulsive People Pleaser

Whether we choose to see it or not, many times we are living our lives for the wrong reasons. We do things because we think we need to. We do things because we feel pressure from outside of ourselves. We do things because we want to please others. But at the same time, we’re unhappy and we wonder why. We wonder why we feel so unfulfilled and so unsatisfied, no matter how many cups we try to fill on the outside. Instead, we should direct our focus to filling our cups from the inside.

We have to start trying to please ourselves instead of others. That isn’t to say that you don’t do things out of the goodness of your heart for those that you love or stop showing appreciation and gratitude to others. Rather, it means you make your own opinion a priority instead of putting the opinions and judgments of others on a pedestal that is much higher than your own.

Many “people pleasers” secretly live their lives unhappy because they are living a fake portrayal of what they know to be true. They’re playing characters in a fictional tale rather than living as the main character of their own self-created life and story. And if we dig deeper, if we’re brave enough to look within and ask ourselves why, then we realize that it’s because we are often basing our own inherent self-worth and happiness on the opinions and validations of others.

When you let go of other people’s opinions, you set your soul free. You allow yourself to finally live as joyfully and as abundantly as you know how to, free of any limitations and constraints. This is true living, in my opinion. I know this is because I was once a compulsive people pleaser, always trying to adhere to all those that were around me. It got so bad that my anxiety began to triple and I constantly needed validation from the people I loved the most, which ultimately pushed them further away from me.

I want you to know that at the end of the day, the only person you need to please is yourself. You’re not being selfish for putting your opinion first. You are being wholesome for prioritizing your own self-worth and believing in your own coherent value as an individual. When you begin acting in alignment with what you know to be true, not only will you feel fulfilled, but you’ll also be able to do good for others just because you want to and not because you feel as though you have to.

The truth is that you will never please everyone. No matter what you do, everyone will have their own opinion of what they think. They, as well as you, are entitled to their opinion. But on the other hand, be wise as to which opinions you value and be aware as to what’s most important at the end of the day—your own fulfillment and happiness. Stop living for other people. Begin living for yourself. When it’s all said and done, others will love and respect you for following what calls your soul rather than always feeling the need to appease others.

You do you. No matter what. No one should ever take that away from you.

About the author
Constant thinker, perpetual story-teller and coffee drinker. Follow Matt on Instagram or read more articles from Matt on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related