What I have discovered is that while I was going on first dates in the hopes of having a second date and maybe even finding a relationship, some women were dating for sport – the sport of getting a nice dinner paid for. All they had to do was manipulate the date logistics in a way that suckered me into buying them dinner and they have achieved their goal. You know the saying, nice guys finish last or in this case, $100 dollars plus or minus poorer, with little to show for it.
Now before all of you ladies start sending me (more) hate mail, I am not saying that all or even most women do this. But some do, and most men who have significant dating experience have encountered this situation. And for those of you who think otherwise, it seems that most women still expect the man to pay for the first date. And essentially every man and woman I have spoken to about this, agrees with that.
These three date experiences along with a bunch of others has lead me to suggest these three rules for men trying to avoid getting suckered into paying for a meal they never intended to:
1. You pick the place.
If you are paying, you pick the venue for the date. You should know in advance what you are potentially paying for. If she insists on changing the place make sure you know it well and it’s acceptable to you. If it’s not, hold firm and if she doesn’t agree, pass on her.
2. Her being late for a first date is unacceptable.
I’d say follow the 30-minute rule. If she can’t get there within 30 minutes of the scheduled time cancel the date. And don’t get fooled by late creep – where she says I’m running late multiple times before the same date. Even if she’s not being late to get a free meal, she’s disrespected you and that’s not a way to start any relationship you want to be in.
3. Always check for the warning signs.
Listen carefully to what she says or what she has written in her dating profile. If she says she likes fine dining, great wine or frequent travel, you should believe her. She very well may intend on getting you to indulge her in those things. My dating profile talks about what I have to offer women. Her profile shouldn’t talk about what she wants, it should also talk about what she has to offer.