5 Ways To Date A Rock Star
By Mat Devine
I’m pretty douchey— but not douchey enough to consider myself a rock star. But that’s somehow convenient because in my experience, most girls wouldn’t want to date one anyway. Despite being addicted to music, and lucky as hell to have a career in this tragic industry, it’s actually the last thing I mention when I meet a girl. You know that Groucho Marx quote about how he’d never join a club that would have HIM as a member? It’s like that. Any girl that knows I’m in a band, and still kinda likes me… I’m like… RED FLAG!
Besides, if you are an enterprising vixen looking to hitch yourself to a rising star, might I recommend setting your sights on a CHEF. They make more money, get better drugs, throw bigger parties, and actually have cars… with insurance! Don’t waste your good bra backstage at an MGMT show. You should be at the Food Network sliding up to the fucking Cake Boss.
HOWEVER, even in spite of the obvious STD risks, potential for heartbreak, eye-rolling from your parents, loneliness, missed birthdays, missed weddings, and other fallout that comes with the territory… should you find an honest artist with a good soul, it’s of course well worth the leap.
Dating musicians has never been hard. (Having wealthy parents, an exposed clavicle and a well-timed introduction from their dealer seems to do the trick in LA.) But, speaking as someone who was fortunate enough to maintain a healthy relationship on the road for 7 years, I can give you a few tips for keeping them.
Don’t be insecure.
Life on tour truly is exhausting, and having a solid girl is the rarest thing on earth. He definitely misses you. No need to call 20 times a day to ask.
Lead your own life.
It’s an interesting balance. On one hand, it’s beautiful to fully devote yourself to your partner, but at the same time you NEED to maintain an identity outside of the relationship. That means having your own group of friends and your own passions.
Be low-maintenance, and not emotionally needy.
Dating a musician is like having a long-distance relationship. It takes serious maturity on both parties. The more you trust him. The more he’ll continue to be worthy of that trust. Conversely, bombarding him with jealous accusations can annoy him and drive him away.
Be sexually adventurous.
Plan exciting dates in cool cities. When at home, get creative, use Skype periodically, send explicit pics and suggestive texts that let him know you’re thinking about him. (Equally important are PG love notes and inside humor.)
Increase your tolerance for questionable hygiene.
When your boyfriend is living in buses and vans, airports and dressing rooms, he starts to think less like a patrician gentleman, and more like an outdoor survivalist or death row fugitive… French baths in Starbucks bathrooms, etc. Understand it comes with the job. Please?