Hurt people do not hurt people, because the truth is, we have all been hurt. No one is exempt from pain or suffering. No one has walked through life without hardship. No one is free from emotional scars. Adversity is the price of being human. How we cope with adversity will separate the unhealed from the healing.
Hurt people do not hurt people – unhealed people hurt people.
Holding compassion for the unhealed does not mean we excuse toxicity. Holding compassion is to understand toxic behavior is rooted in avoiding inner work. An unhealed person projecting their pain onto us will be bitter, entitled, and envious. We must never take it personally, because it comes from an unconscious place. If we find ourselves on their path of self-destruction, we must walk away. This experience will be incredibly painful if this person is someone we love.
When we are healing, the unhealed will attempt to drag us down to their level of disparity. Our inner work is a contradiction to a scarcity mindset. We cannot force the unhealed to journey with us when they have found solace in the shadows. It is their choice. We must love them as they are and leave them as they are.
The unhealed will hinder our growth if we do not walk away. Any attempt to save them will be met with anger, denial, and resentment. They will leave us feeling depleted and disappointed. We must accept where they are instead of fantasizing in their potential just to keep them in our lives. They must initiate healing, not us. We cannot force anyone to heal as much as we love them.
To fantasize about one’s willingness to heal creates an unhealthy attachment to those we have outgrown. We must release the codependent urges to rescue them by surrendering to the reality of where they are in life. We must let them be and let them go. When we detach from the unhealed, we will feel a surge of peace. This feeling is a sign that we are taking steps to live a healthy life unbound from the inner wounds of others.
To be human is to face circumstances out of our control. When we let it define us, we make our pain other people’s problems. When we define it by processing our emotions, we become kinder and more compassionate to those around us. Defining our pain is healing. Letting it define us is choosing to remain a victim of circumstance. It is an excuse to remain unhealed. To remain unhealed is a choice.
All we can do is hope the unhealed awaken to the power of how they show up to the world. That responsibility is not ours to carry. We must let them go while sending them peace, love, and light from a distance.