If You Want to Stop People Pleasing, Learn to Trust Yourself

You people please because you cannot trust anyone to like you. So you spend your energy transforming into someone easy to love. Someone that laughs at jokes that are not funny, someone that contributes to meaningless gossip, someone that says yes when they mean no. You people please because you fear rejection, so you reject yourself first.

People-pleasing is the rejection of oneself. It is the rejection of your core existence. It is putting the experimental variables of validation in the hands of others. The results will guarantee you a life of disappointment and resentment. You cannot force anyone to like you even if you hand them the world on a silver platter. That is a fact that will free you from the high expectations of being likable. Your significance is not measured by the approval of others. Your significance is what you tap into when you learn to trust yourself.

Trust yourself. Trust you are enough. Trust you are worthy. Trust you are valuable. Trust your shining personality. Trust your humor. Trust your kindness. Trust your love. Trust your potential. Trust your significance.

People-pleasing thrives off self-rejection and will leave you feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied. You will relentlessly chase people into defining your self-worth. You are afraid of what people will think of you, so you deprive yourself of the opportunity to speak up, to make decisions that serve your needs, and to lead a life of authenticity.

A hard lesson to learn is that we were not built to be a one size fits all, contrary to society’s belief. People will ebb and flow into your life unapologetically. This is where you learn who belongs to you and who was never meant to stay. This is where you untether from the binds of people’s perception of you. You are not responsible for people liking you. This is a blessing when uncovered.

When you break down every people-pleasing bone in your body, you can look back at this behavior with an open heart of curiosity. Do not beat yourself up for the emotional obstacles you put yourself through. Instead, ask questions. What did you like about the people you were seeking approval from? Did you like them at all? You may realize that the people you were trying to impress never aligned with who you are. Maybe you fell for the challenge of wanting something you can’t have, to soon realize you never cared for it in the first place.

Trusting yourself takes practice. It is building a skill to combat your negative self-talk with your armor of self-acceptance. To trust yourself is to strengthen your self-love to the point where your urges to attract the approval of others becomes a fleeting desire. To trust yourself is to believe that you are exceptional as you are. To trust yourself is to wholeheartedly understand that no one can be a better you than you. 

About the author
Your mind is as precious as your heart. Protect it. Follow Maryann on Instagram or read more articles from Maryann on Thought Catalog.

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