How Becoming A Writer Turned Me Into A Badass

The other day, I was asked how long I have been writing. I said two years. That’s my safe answer. That’s my answer to those I do not know and to those I have yet to build my trust.

My unmasked answer to that question is that I have been writing my entire life in my head. I was a shy and quiet child growing up, only allowing myself to be unhinged with family and a select number of friends. The invisible tape over my mouth gave me permission to fill my head with a thousand conversations and a thousand confrontations. I lived most of my life through my inner fantasy world, where every expectation was met, every relationship had reciprocity, and every conflict had a resolution.

I am the mayor of daydreams. I repeatedly reenact scenarios in my head of what I wish I had said to the former manipulative roommate, to the emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, to the misogynist uncle. I have an infinite amount of scripts in my head where I get on my soapbox and save the world from relentless assholes. These wishful storylines were far better than my reality. My reality consisted of people walking all over me and my values.

My entire life, I have been groomed to shut my mouth, to not share my opinions, to not put my true self out there for the sake of making everyone comfortable. This was the belief system that narrated my life. This story I acted out put me in unsafe situations, unsafe relationships, and a life where I sacrificed my peace at the expense of everyone else’s comfort zones. As a result, I was slapped in the face over and over again with toxicity, with narcissists, with deeply insecure egos. I was the dream supply until I woke up and realized I was living this way by choice.

They say life is a journey, but what they do not tell us is that life is also filled with choices made entirely by ourselves. We build our journey. As I had this awakening, I decided I will no longer live a life in the shadows so others can parade in the light. I will become the light using the power of words.

Now it is my time to put a spotlight on all things that make us uncomfortable. Now it is my time to call out cheaters, liars, and toxic behaviors. Now it is my time to destroy the shame behind anxiety, depression, and mental health. Now it is my time to be the voice of unfiltered truth bombs.

My purpose, as a writer, is to make us all feel less alone, give us permission to be imperfect humans, and to encourage us to show up to the world exactly as we are.

About the author
Your mind is as precious as your heart. Protect it. Follow Maryann on Instagram or read more articles from Maryann on Thought Catalog.

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