We all search for it. We all look for it. Even when we say we aren’t, or that “we’re on a break from dating,” you know you’re looking for it. Love. Dirty, raw, sexy love. The kind of love that changes your world. It turns you upside down and lands you on your feet because that kind of love, the kind that you’re looking for, is the kind of thing that doesn’t allow you to get hurt. No, why would it? But it does.
That kind of love could kill you. It can break your heart into a million smithereens. This kind of love is the fleeting kind that makes you think you’ve found it. This MUST be it. But it’s far from it. It’s just a moment in time, a little lapse. It’s the kind of thing that makes you believe that something like this must exist elsewhere; that maybe next time you or the other person will stick around long enough to last.
But maybe that’s not the case. Maybe “it” doesn’t exist. Maybe “the one” is just some catchy advertising term used to sell more jewelry.
Maybe that “thing” you’re searching for could be in any person. Anyone at all, but you’re just too blinded by this fairy tale notion of love to see that it’s far more real than magical. You’re too caught up in trying to find “it,” that you don’t realize that your potential for love and happiness has been staring you in the face this whole time.
Maybe love isn’t some magical, mountain-moving thing. Maybe it’s just something we do. Maybe our generation has it all wrong. There isn’t one single person on this earth that we’re destined to be with, but many different people for many different reasons. Maybe your spouse is one of them.
Think about the number of people that have come into your life in one way or another that have touched it in some way, whether it be good or bad. Think about those people and who you’d be without them. How would your perception of life on earth be changed had you never met them? Ask yourself, “How could I not love these people for giving me those gifts?” How could you not love these people even if they’ve hurt you?
All of these random people were meant to be in your life for some reason or another. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for more to exist, to change, to inspire. That doesn’t mean that one day a man or children can’t fit into that. But maybe that shouldn’t be the end-game.
Maybe you aren’t supposed to strive to find your soulmate, but you’re supposed to live through many soulmates. Maybe you aren’t supposed to find the “it,” the “spark,” but are meant to find the many sparks that make your world glow. Maybe you’re supposed to find someone that helps you light the path for the rest of your life, and you theirs?
Maybe. Maybe sounds so unsure, you know why? Have you found “it”? Sure. You may have found it with a few men or women, but it’s never anything that is worth keeping. You would rather have the comfortable kind of love. The kind of love to be able to grow a partnership with. The kind of love that you know will have your back at the end of the day. But sometimes the “it” draws you back in. The chase for that magical spark, even though you know very well that fireworks only last for an instant.
And that, my friends, is how I break my heart over and over again.
And that is how you will, too. You’re searching for someone or something that exists beyond your dreams. You’re looking for that “it” factor that will light up your Instagram page and ignite jealousy among your peers, breeding this fire of passion that is your relationship. Because no matter what you see or how you think how things are “supposed to be,” it doesn’t mean that that is what is true. You have to stop looking for the “it.” You have to stop looking for what’s beyond what is in front of you. You have to accept that love is something we do. It’s something we feel. But it’s not something to be searched for, bought, sought, or won. Love will break your heart in many ways. It’s almost guaranteed, but to avoid the kind of heartbreak that hurts the most, you have to stop looking for it.