1. When you only text your ex or a random love interest at 2:00 a.m. For no reason. Just to “talk.”
2. When you don’t want a relationship, but get involved with someone anyway, leading them along the path of mixed signals and hurt feelings.
3. When you do want a relationship, but manage to get wrapped up in that fuck boy you said you’d stop talking to months ago.
4. When you binge watch Louie on Netflix by yourself all day and end up crying like a little bitch when his 12-year-old starts smoking pot.
5. When you say “maybe” to a Facebook event. Like, we all know that’s just a soft “no.” You non-committal bastard.
6. Forgetting to cancel date plans. That’s just plain, ol’ garbage person behavior. But you forgot, and I guess it’s better late than never?
7. Deliberately becoming “eskimo brothers” with one of your friends because the thirst is real, you guys.
8. Getting Grubhub for the 3rd time in one week because you “deserve it.”
9. When you totally forgot that you left your laundry hanging up all over the bathroom but like it’s the last time. You promise. You SWEAR.
10. Leaving your garbage out on your shared deck after a party and forgetting about it. If you really want to think about it, you’re just helping to conserve the rat population and your neighbors are (probably) thankful that you are an animal lover.
11. Just existing, you mouth breather. But seriously, stop breathing, chewing, chompin’ with your mouth open. It’s disgusting and your mouth noises are really irritating to some.
12. When you constantly eat out and engorge on indulgent foods, but don’t gain any weight. And then brag about it to your friends who have like five extra pounds they don’t really want. How do you do it, food bloggers?
13. When you bring too much stuff – or even worse: LUGGAGE – on the train and take up two seats because your comfort is more important than space efficiency.
14. Changing lanes in traffic without signalling or just straight up breaking the law in your car because you “have to be somewhere.” Yes, you do have to be somewhere – it’s called hell.
15. Drunkenly eating your roommate’s food because you don’t have anything good enough to satisfy your 2:00 a.m. craving for food you legitimately don’t need.
16. When you suggest that we all split the check “evenly,” even though you ordered more drinks and had the most expensive meal on the bill.
17. When you ask people “why” they do something. “Why do you do improv? What’s the point?” “Why do you want a septum piercing?” “Why in the world do you even submit articles to Thought Catalog?”
And it’s more like: “Why don’t you shut the hell up?”
18. Being insensitive to food allergies because you just don’t understand why someone would let a gluten, lactose, or seafood allergy get in the way of eating the most divine Garlic Shrimp Alfredo Pasta that Red Lobster has to offer.
19. Not owning an iPhone but complaining about not receiving photos, group texts, or emojis correctly. GET *clap* WITH *clap* THE *clap* PROGRAM *clap*
21. When you constantly ask people to do things for you that you can do yourself. Like come on.
21. When you get real cheap about the weirdest things, like splitting up gas money or buying toothpaste. Yet, you drop down a couple hundo at your favorite store because there was a sale.
22. Your addiction to your French press and that craft beer habit has literally made you impossible to hang out with because you are both lacking funds and are generally insufferable.
23. Some of your favorite hobbies include: leaving dishes in the sink for far too long, not answering your phone ever, and judging others for something that you do ALL. THE. TIME.
24. When you totally forget to be grateful for all the wonderful people in your life that put up with all your sucky-ness, but when do remember it’s probably because you need something from them.