The experience itself of being invested, excited, and anticipatory of a new relationship, only to watch the results of your efforts get reaped by another person, can make you feel like you want nothing to do with the concept of a relationship.
It is the age old tale of finding yourself feeling like you are always the girl, but never quite the girlfriend. I’m sure that many men experience the “never quite it” syndrome as well.
In the last year, some of men that I have managed to date have settled into perfectly happy relationships. The men who I would have deemed as “not boyfriend material” are now posting Instagram collages and exploring new places with their girlfriends. But alas, anyone from my boyish guy friends, to a yearlong crush telling me that “this is the kind of thing old people talk about” and then changing his mind about wanting a relationship, to my dopey, summer fling – all of them have one thing in common. Anyone that I’ve been even remotely interested in seems to have settled down into a happily monogamous relationship with someone else. And interestingly enough, I am happy for them.
Perhaps it’s karma from an unhealthy relationship that you stayed in for way too long, or maybe you just attract crappy people. Or maybe you are just not in the right place in your life and people can read it all over your face. There could be a thousand maybe’s, a thousand reasons why things are not working out. But regardless, my time, like many other people’s, hasn’t come and it has been an arduous process of acceptances of rejection. It is only times like this in which I actually realize that I was not quite doin’ it for someone and they left.
They all left. And that is okay.
It is okay because in these situations, you realize that you’re better off – because in all honesty, they probably weren’t quite doin’ it for you either.
There is something grotesquely romantic about someone finding the love of their life after they’ve been with you. Their story has been made with trials and tribulations of finding “it”, and you were a part of that story and you were a step in making their love and their happiness a reality. In a way, they were a part of your story, too. You just haven’t met “it” yet.
Love – to me – is almost like a game of playground tag. There are people constantly running in and out of your life, and it just comes down to whether you and the other person deem each other as “it”. One cannot be tagged without the acceptance of the other. Simply put – if someone is not feeling you, they won’t want to play your game. Sometimes it can be hard to cope with the fact that you are just simply not “it” for someone. Although it’s important that you refuse to just settle, it sure gets exhausting running around the playground waiting for someone to tag you.
And just when you say to yourself, “You know, I’ll just sit this one out”, someone comes a running by with their arms wide open ready to tag you. So you run a way a little bit, until you’re drawn in. It becomes a chase. But then someone gets tired and decides to take a break and move on elsewhere. And well, that kind of sucks.
But the good thing about tag…or dating…is that there is always someone else around the corner waiting to play the game. And just because you might get tired of the chase – or perhaps you are sick of getting passed over for someone else – it does not mean that you won’t be it. More than likely, you’ll be surprised. Someone will pop out of nowhere at a time when you were least expecting it, and suddenly, you’re it.