To The One I Couldn’t Let Go — I Am Finally Detaching Myself From You

paul b

“How have you been?” would be an appropriate question if we haven’t been talking to each other every now and then. I am pretty much aware of how life is treating you right now. Your social media page keeps me informed about the good things you have been going through with this new girl you’re dating. But more than that, you keep me in the loop with all the events in your life, the not so appealing ones to be displayed on your Facebook account.

We are friends. That’s the most idiotic excuse we tell ourselves whenever we talk. We know each other too well and we both insist that there’s probably no other soul out there that can understand us better than we understand each other. But are we really friends? Or are we just two individuals who have one foot in the past, and half-heartedly facing the present?

Here’s how the routine goes, we will stop talking when everything is going well, but once it’s no longer in our favor, we would reach out to each other to feel okay, ask for advise and act as if we can still be together. This normally happens when you have a misunderstanding with your girl and when I am going through something with the guy I’m currently seeing. But really, what are we doing?

I always tell you before that you can speak to me about anything, everything that breaks your heart or shuts you out of reality. But things are different now, and as much as I want to keep on believing that we are two inseparable souls, we now have to consider other people’s feelings.

So today, I want to stop being there for you. I want you to understand that I have been there for you for the past seven years and you failed to remember that when you chose her over me.

I want to stop comparing the relationship we had with the relationship you and your girlfriend have right now. I want to stop dwelling on the past and making myself feel that I am not enough for you, or for anyone. I deserve better than this.

I want to stop being the in-between girl when you need someone to make you feel good about yourself. I want to be the girl that someone appreciates not only when things are going rough.

If there’s one thing that I realized for the past five months that we have not been labeled as a couple, it is that I shouldn’t be stuck on you, and this goes for you too. Who are we kidding, really? We can’t be friends. Not now, not ever. We had shared something deeper than a friendship could handle. We will always be nostalgic, and I probably still love you, but I am done with going back and forth for something that should have been left behind months ago.

Baby, I am now finally detaching myself from you.

I have been depriving myself of truly being able to move on. I guess back then, I was still hopeful. Wishfully thinking that we would somehow manage to work things out and be with each other again. But as I keep on waiting, reality hits me hard and my frail hope couldn’t help me to keep going. I was delusional. Truth is, in a very Taylor Swift fashion, we are never getting back together.

Yet, despite of this all, I have seen my worth. And for that, I want to thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart over and over again. As for each time you take out a piece of what’s left of us, you’re giving me a space to rebuild myself.

Thank you for not loving me wholeheartedly, this is enough reason for me to know that I am not the one at the losing end. I won’t be eaten up by regret thinking that I lost someone who actually saw me as his world, because you never did. You never will.

So love, I am now closing this chapter of my life.

It may have took me longer to realize this and a little late to move on, but one of these days I would stop thinking about you. One of these days you will be a distant memory and I won’t even recall the sound of your voice.

I know one day it will all make sense. One day in God’s perfect time, fate will lead me to who I should be with. And everything that happened in my life will go from baffling to crystal clear. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Mary Louise Vern Ignacio

Always a work in progress and in a relationship with words.

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