I Am The Undated Girl, But I Am Not Undateable

Flickr / Dragan
Flickr / Dragan

I am the doting sister, the hard working student, the old soul, and the perpetual “single” friend. I have seen my friends through heartbreak and happiness in their relationships, and I watch the drama from the sidelines with a box of tissues in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other. I am the undated girl… But I am not undatable.

“Oh, poor girl” I have heard people say in regards to my singleness. I just laugh and shake off their pity because I do not need it. I have traveled to five countries, over thirty states, and experienced views from the Eiffel Tower to Niagara Falls. I have performed with symphonies and at Carnegie Hall, and I have seen over a hundred performances. I am working on a dual-degree and taking 20 credit hours, all while maintaining honors. I am a goal-driven, fun-loving, and adventurous girl. And since I am busy traveling, performing, and studying, I never looked for someone to date as a teenager.

And as my twentieth year looms just ahead, I am struck by the never-ending amount of questions that are pertaining to my “single” status. From “everything happens for a reason, your time will come” to “you need to keep looking!” And no matter how I protest these comments, the people relaying them to me seem to believe I am in denial. After all, how can a teenage girl be happy without someone to give them affection and attention?

I am attending university, and studying what I love, but my life must be unfulfilled according to the spectators of my life. I need to go out, get wasted, and sleep around, “or at least hook-up!” I shake my head at the people who tell me these things, and my family and friends only laugh at their attempts to pull me into their romanticized world of overpriced Valentine’s Day gifts that proves their boyfriends love them more.

Let me tell you something about fulfillment.

True fulfillment, at least to me, is being free to live your life in the moment and focus on your goals. I am not selfish, I am deeply compassionate and empathetic, but I wish to live my life for myself right now. It is not enough to throw your whole self at another person and count that as love. Love yourself first!

Fulfillment is being comfortable enough to be alone, and being secure in your sense of self.

When I go to parties, and a boy swaggers up to me and slurs, “do you wanna get out of here?” I laugh, shake my head, and go back to my group of hilarious friends. I have been asked out, by several different guys who are nice, and some who aren’t, and that is why I call myself undated. I choose not to date, because I am waiting for the time I want to.
How preposterous, the idea of making a choice regarding my life based on my wants *I am being sarcastic*!

I understand the importance of dating, or letting loose; of learning to love outside of yourself. But I do not, and will not, need a man to complete who I am.

So to my future boyfriend; I hope you are not looking for a girl to call you every minute, text you everyday, and see you all the time. I don’t have time for that, and I hope you do not either. I want to go on adventures, have jobs, travel and explore my options. And maybe we can have adventures together, but I also want to be comfortable being apart.

And I know that when the time comes, I will happily learn to incorporate another person into my life. To share my triumphs and my sadness, to laugh and to cry. But that time is not at the tender age of nineteen, when I am still figuring out my own life.

I have never dated, and I am on the brink of turning twenty, and to many people that is an undesirable situation. But as those who know me will tell you, I am a hell of a lot more than just the undated, “single” friend. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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