Thought Catalog

This Is Why I’m Not Leaving

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Ryan Franco

I love you and I meant it when I said it. I’m not leaving because I promised not to leave you – finally, I had the right reason to stay and this time, I will make up for the days when I was not there for you. I will make up for the days when you started to give up on everything and for those days when I was not there to encourage you that you can do. I have always believed in you even when you think you are no longer worth it. I’m sorry for those days when I did not have time to ask you if you were alright. I’m sorry if my presence was not enough to make you feel that I do care. I’m now staying and I promise to make it all up to you so I could make up for those days when you felt alone because this time, you are no longer alone in your battles. I’ll fight them with you, no matter how hard it is. I’m sorry if I was not there to tell you that you are more than what you think you are on days when you felt like you are a complete failure because let me tell you this – you are not a failure. I have seen light through your darkest days. I have seen immeasurable hope when you felt lost. I have learned to love you when you forgot to love yourself. I have learned to love you despite your deepest flaws. I wish I could make things better for you but I guess that’s too much. I want to make you feel better, to make you feel that you are loved – By me, who is also as messed up as you are. I’m staying because I want to be here for you when you start to feel all of these again – the giving up, the “I’m a failure”, the “I don’t know what to do with my life anymore”, I’ll be here when these things start to consume you again – I’ll be strong for you this time when it happens. I’ll remind you every day that you are not in this alone, that you are amazing and you can do it when you don’t have the motivation to. Please don’t give up on yourself yet because I did not give up on you – I will never give up on you no matter how much you’d want to. If people kept on leaving you before, do remember that this time, there’s one person who will never leave you. I want to be there through your “try agains” and your success. I’ll be here when you finally make it, I promise. I’ll be here when you finally figure things out. I have always been your number one fan; I was not just saying it before because you were focused on something else. Now that I finally said it, I hope you will not give up on your dreams anymore. I’ll be here to support you, I got your back – I promise. I’ll be strong for you on your weakest days. I’ll be here to make you laugh on days when you barely remember how to smile. I’ll be here for you when you feel like life is challenging you again. I’ll be here to remind you that something inside you is greater than any obstacle. I’ll be here for you always and I love you, no matter how complicated you are. I love you everything you hate about yourself. Always remember that.

I’m no longer leaving – and that’s the best decision I had to make. It was hard but I sacrificed going home so I can take care of you and your fragile pieces, so I make you feel better and finally make up for those days when I was not there for you. I’m staying because you are worth it. I’m staying so you will never feel alone again. I’m staying because I love you, no matter how messed up you are. Please don’t dwell on the past anymore because it truly hurts me when you talk about it. If only you could see what’s right in front of you now. If only you could be aware that I exist more than this. I hope you don’t waste it.

Don’t give up on yourself. I love you, always. TC mark

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