It has been years: years of wondering when I would be able to open up to people again, years of wondering if I’d still even be able to look at someone and feel happy, years of hoping that thoughts of you wouldn’t randomly appear in my head while I try to stay as numb and apathetic as possible, years of praying that I’d be able to just let all of those years go. It has been years of wondering, I thought it would never end, but here I am now. I feel like I am at my happiest.
They say that you will never know how important something is until you lose it. Sure, it was one hell of a ride. I never gave up though, I was never a quitter to begin with. You, on the other hand, never fought for me.
It would have been so much easier if you, at least, tried. It would have been lighter if you showed a tiny bit of concern, that it still might work, things might be better. But nope, you just up and left. And even though it was hard for me, I had to just let you let me go.
I forgave you a long time ago. I don’t even remember how I got to this point in my life, but of course, I have always been grateful that you have been a huge chunk of my life, and if it weren’t for you, I would not love myself as much as I do today.
I met a lot of people along the way, and got my heart broken again and again, but you remained etched in my thoughts and in my heart as they came and they went. I was scared of opening up to people, I was scared of getting too attached, I was scared of getting hurt again. I couldn’t let go of that tiny bit of hope that I was holding on to. I thought I never would. But I finally did. And I felt like all the weight I was carrying on my shoulders disappeared. It was you who was holding me back all this time.
I just realized… It’s been a long time since I have let all that go.
You’re probably hearing things from our mutual friends about how happy I am with my life now, how I am doing well, after everything I have been through, and you’re just starting to realize that, yes, you were a jerk, and yes, I loathed you, and yes, you let go of a really awesome person (ME lol).
But I want you to know that everything is okay now and you don’t have to worry about it. You don’t have to keep sending me messages about how sorry you are or how I much I deserve “closure”. I was able to give that to myself, by myself, and really, it’s amazing.
I am in love with life and with an amazing person, and he makes me feel like I matter. I never even thought I would be this amazed about anyone in my life (even more than Barrack Obama).
Love found me when I wasn’t even expecting it. It’s not perfect, but I know this one’s worth it.
And that is what I always pray for: that you find someone you could be yourself with, someone you could treat like a princess. I pray that you would genuinely love her for who she is, and that she takes care of you and supports you and listens to you and dreams with you and prays with you and loves you without bounds. That is what I have right now. And you deserve that too.