You wake up at 9 o’clock in the morning feeling empty inside. The first thing you do as soon as you open your eyes is grab your phone and attempt to check Facebook, but oh, you uninstalled all your Facebook apps, including Messenger, yesterday, so you have nothing.
Did you remember telling all your friends about it? Maybe not. But you told a couple of good friends that they can just text you if they need you, because you will be taking a break from Facebook for a while.
“You’re odd,” says one friend.
“Why would you want to do that,” says another friend.
“I don’t care,” says another.
And then you feel good about yourself for the first time in months.
You get up and get ready for the day. Oh, wait, breakfast. You grab your phone and take an unfortunately ugly photo of your banana, because that’s all you eat in the morning, and you try to make it look cute by editing it on VSCO. Shit, what for? You don’t have to worry about all of this because you are not obliged to post this on your Facebook stories. You smile at your banana, and you savor the moment.
Later that day, you have to work. Of course, you have to tell your Facebook friends the lessons you have been learning all throughout the day, that’s why you’re here for, Man! You’re their annoying writer friend! But then, you’re not on Facebook today, so really, you don’t have to. This is such a productive day.
You decide to go for a run. Yes, girl, go run. You get your phone and take a selfie, because hello, the running outfit is super cute today. Plus that hair though, so gorgeous, how is this even real? But uh oh, there’s no Facebook to share all of it with, so why even bother? You tie your hair up, put on your ugly sweater and you run. You notice the place for the first time. You really appreciate the sky for the first time, the fresh air, the beautiful trees. Holy crap, you are actually having a wonderful time running and sweating.
You get in bed that night, and you suddenly remembered…. Were you able to respond to that comment three days ago? Did you tag that friend in the photos you uploaded two days ago? Shit, it’s 12:02am, you need to check your Facebook memories, because OMG you’re dying to know what you were up to exactly five years ago. But wait, you’re not on Facebook today. You uninstalled it everywhere, remember? You close your eyes and you breathe. This is the first time you were able to relax like this and worry about everything else but Facebook. You realize how easier life was before Facebook. Before all your friends even started posting engagement and wedding photos. When will you be engaged and married anyway? Ehh, you don’t care, at least you have gorgeous hair, and you have managed the whole day without Facebook.
You thank the Universe for the day, and then, you fall asleep easily, without tossing and turning: the first time in weeks.
Fuck you, Facebook. You bitch.