Thought Catalog

To My Best Friend: What Did I Do To Deserve Your Love?

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New Girl: Season 1
New Girl: Season 1

Dear Best Friend,

This morning, I was in a conversation with a client who was having a bad day. She was having a misunderstanding with someone, who I know, could be a very important person in her life, because she was really upset. I asked her why she sounded so frustrated. I received the answer from the last email she sent me today. She said she was having a fight with her best friend, and the reason why they always fight is because they both find it very hard to apologize and admit their mistakes.

I paused. Maybe it’s just me, or I really can’t remember ever fighting with you over something that made me have a bad day. I wanted to respond to her email, but I wouldn’t know what to say and I do not want to tell her things I made up just to have something to tell her.

I read it somewhere that there is one moment in a person’s life when they will be slightly aware of the fact that they have found their soul mate. Not the person they will marry, or the person they will be spending the rest of their days waking up with, but the awkward soul mate you got to know in your High School sophomore year and changed your life forever.

That person, to me, is you. Thank you for allowing me to be myself when I am with you. Thank you for being part of the genuinely happiest moments of my life, for listening whenever I need someone to tell my saddest stories to, and for letting me feel that you love me even when we are miles apart. Thank you for keeping me grounded when I feel like the wind might just blow me away. Years have passed and I know many things have changed. We have not been together for a while, but I know that I am very lucky to still have you in my life.

In our friendship, I have always been the weaker man, and you were always there to radiate your compassion and strength, to let me know that everything will be okay, and to make me feel loved again. How did you ever manage to keep me all these years? People came and went, but you’re still around even after a dozen or more typhoons have hit the country. How do you keep sane when you’re around me? I remember going to a camping trip without you, and I was crying, not because I was sad that you were not going with me, but because I know I spent the best camping trip with you, and nothing can ever top that. Three days without you then seemed like forever. How do you manage to love me even in times when I feel so little and weak?

When we were younger, I was always anxious to be away from you, and we started writing each other letters just because we needed the comfort of a friend. We were two classrooms apart and I would write you a note saying, “I saw *bleep* today, did you see him?” and you will send a note back with a few giggles. I knew I was keeping you for the rest of my life then. What did I do to deserve your love?

Our friendship was shiny and brand new, and we were still getting to know each other. My being (very) scared of spiders was one of the things you were still about to learn, and I got mad at you. Like a little child, I didn’t talk to you for a few (hours?), but when you apologized, I knew for a fact that this friendship will certainly last a lifetime, because we were both willing to accept and admit our faults. What did I do to deserve your love?

You fell in love with a long time friend, and I was never there to ask you how he was, or how he treated you. I never threatened them like you threatened my past lover(s). I never asked you the details about your “dates” or what you like doing on sunny Friday afternoons. I felt like a bad friend for being away, literally and by heart, but you told me everything one day, all the details I may have missed, and all was forgotten. What did I do to deserve your love?

Years ago, I thought I met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. You were genuinely happy for me, and it was one of the most priceless things anyone could ever have. I knew then that God gave me you for a reason. Days, weeks, and months have passed, we broke up, Mr. Dream Boy and I. I was miserable. Moving to a new place, I didn’t have anyone. But you were there for me even when you were twelve hours (or more?) away. You allowed me to be sad when you knew I had to, and pulled me back up when you knew it was time for me to get my life back. I didn’t know where to start and, like a child, you taught me how to walk again. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, and you reassured me a million times that I was never alone. What did I do to deserve your love?

After four long years, I ended up finishing nursing school. You were genuinely happy for me, and I drifted away for a while. We tried to connect, but it was never the same. You ended up finishing college, and I never stopped being happy for you. I told you I was going to start being a writer, at last, ditch the life I have always been used to, and just start writing. You encouraged me, told me that I can do it and that you were very happy for me. But what did I do to deserve your love, Bes?

In my life, I have had so many mistakes and so many worries. Some worries never leave my mind, and all the mistakes can never be brought back, but you have changed my life in so many ways I never thought was possible. And I thank God for giving me a friend I know I can keep for as long as I live. Although I have been asking you the question “What did I do to deserve your love?” over and over, I know I will cherish our friendship for as long as I could, and that would be enough. Because you are the soulmate I never thought I’d have, and I love you more than you know.

Your Soulmate TC mark

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