Maybe, just maybe, it was always meant to end this way. Me breaking your trust, you breaking me. You moving on so easily while I was struggling to mend the bones that you so effortlessly shattered into a million pieces.
People change and we grow simply because we have to. There’s no shame in acknowledging that. Nor does it diminish anything that happened before the abrupt change of circumstances. Maybe that is what happened with us.
I don’t think you’re a bad person, nor do I hate myself anymore for what happened.
This isn’t about casting blame or perpetuating some unfettered victim mentality which encapsulates what I believe happened with the two of us.
This is about acknowledging that we both did things we shouldn’t have done—we both hurt each other, broke each other. Poisoned one another.
But at the time, we did the best we could. We did all we could. We did what we thought was right.
Maybe if I am saying it enough, I will actually believe it.
But no, no, I am not just telling myself the words that I want to hear, I am telling it how it is. And I believe that you would agree with me. At least, I’d like to believe so.
Because you didn’t want to let our love perish any more than I did.
But unlike me, you simply didn’t have another chance left in you.
And I no longer blame you for that. We all carry burdens differently. And you just had enough. Perhaps we could have pushed harder, tried more. But maybe, just maybe it was always meant to end this way.
I don’t despise you for tormenting my life for so long, just as I hope you don’t vilify me for betraying your trust.
I just wish you would have let me exit your life with more grace.
Because for so long, you were just that: my life. And that deserved a better ending than what regrettably occurred between the two of us.
As time passed, the wounds you’ve caused healed, the trauma you gave me dissipated. Things became more apparent, and I am so much wiser now.
I am healed, I am whole. And I can still acknowledge now that you were a tremendous part of my life, a part that to this day I still hold very much dear to my heart. And I always will.
People still ask me how I feel towards you. And it’s a question I don’t think I’ll ever be able to answer without feeling my heart skip just a little bit at the sheer thought of you.
The memories of us, embedded into my brain. Your touch lodged into my spine. Your taste on my lips. Your smell rooted into my rib-cage. You’re a part of me, even though you broke me apart.
I am man enough to acknowledge that.
But I am also man enough to not let that hold me back anymore. I am man enough to mend my wounds.
Because maybe it was always supposed to end this way. You with someone else, me with someone else.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to be able to let go of all the hurt, all the pain.
To have a fresh start at love is one of the greatest things one can experience. I am glad we both have had the chance to welcome it.
Maybe, just maybe, it was always supposed to end this way. We both found our happy ending.