I Just Can’t Fix You
By Marv Allain
Every night I tell myself that you are not worth it. You are not worth the effort. You are not worth the time. You are not worth the thoughts. You are not worth the tears. But every morning I wake up and tell myself, maybe today, everything will change. Maybe today I can fix you.
I know you are broken. I knew it the moment I met you. I felt it in your kisses. How you badly want someone to understand you, to love you and accept your flaws. But you won’t admit it to me, not even to yourself. I know how afraid you are to be left alone, to be left hanging in the moment and forever guessing what could have happened if you let yourself fall. You are so afraid of getting hurt because of love because you knew deep inside you are not strong enough. You won’t be able to handle the pain of wondering why you were not good enough for that person you care for the most. So it’s you who do the leaving. So it’s you who do the dumping. So it’s you who walk out of an almost relationship, without even blinking.
I tried my best to save you. I wanted to make you feel safe and loved. I want you to feel sure about something. I stayed even though people tell me you are the worst idea. I stayed because I know that I can fix you. I can pick up the pieces of your broken soul.
You told me your stories, I told you mine. We were getting there. We were going to make it. We had plans. You had me. But apparently, I didn’t have you. All of you. I only got the fragments of your love. I was completing the picture but you won’t give me the other puzzle pieces. To make you whole, I had to give up some of me. I was falling apart to complete you and instead of holding me tighter, you do what you do best. You let go.
I don’t know what happened. Maybe, I was not enough. Maybe, you were not enough. Something went wrong and I had to wake up to the news you are dating a new girl. Now it was me left in pieces. And I was trying to rise up from the ashes you have left me, when it hit me; You can’t fix people who don’t think they’re broken. You can’t fix people who can’t admit to themselves that there’s something missing in their life. They have to do it themselves.